Project Runway Season 9 Episode 5 RECAP

Hello there faithful readers!

Okay I know, I know.
But here's my excuse: Bitchy girls.
That's right, you heard me. Bitchy girls. Fake people. People that pretend to be your friend and then just stop calling and come up with some fake ass excuse.
Okay I'm done. Just had to get that off my chest.
And just to let you know, while I appreciate an AMPLE amount of bitchiness on my reality TV...let's be real, who actually wants that in their life?
Speaking of the bitchiness of this week of Project Runway (why do I always abuse one word a week? Bitchy, bitchy, bitchy.) DAMN it's back. I might (MIGHT) even rewatch this one on mylifetime.com, like in the good old days. Nothing like physical pain, drama, and hugging in bathroom stalls to lighten up my Thursday.
So this episode starts with Cecelia getting out of bed in some amazing night gown she should have worn week one, and informing us she really doesn't even want to get up. I guess that's why she has bed head. Oh wait, she always had bed head. And not the sexy kind.
Anyways, the designers are left with some packages containing athletic wear and in this casual garb they head to the gym. Or a giant indoor track. Olympic Challenge...Take 2?
Tim Gunn. Is wearing. A jacket. Button Up. Tie. AND JEANS AND SNEAKERS. Sometimes, I wonder if he sleeps in his suit. Can't you just see him showering in his dress shoes? Going for a morning jog in a bow tie? Heading out to his water aerobics class with a lapel? Making love with his...Oh wait, that just got creepy.
So here's the challenge: design for sneakers (???) for Heidi (???) in groups of three (???). The first four to finish a lap around the track get to be the team leaders.
Cecelia decides that she can't deal with this and leaves. No more explanation needed, no more asked. Everyone puts their best pouty faces and fakey-fake: "She needs to do what she needs to do for herself." Fake. Bitches.
BACK TO THE RACE.
May I just say I called Joshua would win this motherfucker TWO WEEKS AGO? Your welcome ;).
Anyways, my boy Joshua finishes first, followed by Bryce, Anthony, and Viktor. HELLO healthy gay men. What a shocker.
Also not a shocker, Olivier is much too skinny to run the damn thing and passes out somewhere in the middle. For a second, it's touch and go. And by touch and go, I mean for me when I see how ugly his hair looks when he's passed out.
Olivier returns after a valiant trip to the midnight hospital ward and several stitches in his, dark hair (oh wait, that was Season 1) more embarrassed than injured.
Josh nabs Anya and gets stuck with a stare-y Becky, Bryce stays safe with Kimberly and Danielle, Viktor picks Olivier and chooses to revive bald Mormon guy and us bloggers having to loose last initials, and Anthony picks his straight lover Laura and gets stuck with Bert.
Could we not have put Bert, Becky, and Viktor on the same team, in a small room, with only eight hours to work, and seen who lived? My votes on Tim.
Let me simple the working process down to this:
Bert calls Anthony Andrew and explains he only remembers the memorable people. Bert, honey, Anthony has been in the top EVERY SINGLE WEEK. If he's not memorable as your competition...I mean, he better be designing some camel/butt toe ugly gym short romper if you ever want to get out of their alive! (Oh wait...)
Joshua, who has decided Becky is the seamstress.
Smart.
But Becky is understandbly angry and slams the bathroom stall door in the camera mans face after Josh tell her her clothes are dowdy.
Thank you so much, Josh. Who doesn't love a bitchy gay truth teller who makes great television?
My adoration for Josh continues as he takes out Bert.
"Drop dread!" Bert yells. (Drop Dead Diva...Tonight at 9! Lifetime displays at the bottom of the screen, hey, free advertisement!)
"You're closer to death than me!" Josh yells back. Fuck. Yes.
"That may be a blessing with you around!" Bert shouts. Hey, for being 0234902348093284023984023489 years-old, he's pretty quick on his feet on comebacks. But that may be a blessing for us the viewers, Berty.
(Can you tell I'm in a bad mood?)
The runway is a hot mess and I am beyond happy. Heidi always is trying to make them do their work and pair evening gowns with sneakers and such, so it just makes me laugh when it doesn't work out for her. How low budget is this, by the way? Last challenge design for Nina, this challenge for Heidi? Come on, PR.
Memorable runway pieces:
Anya's dress I loved WITH the racing stripe.
Josh's jacketed cuteness.
Viktor's adorable dress.
The atrociousness that is Anthony Ryan's garment.

Basically, the runway is drama. Everyone is throwing everyone under the bus. Becky is crying. Bert is having a heart attack (can they get married?). Josh jumps off the stage and beats up Heidi.

In the end, Heidi can't pick a best or a worst, the whole thing is way too much for her tiny model brain. So she names both Josh (HELL YES) and Viktor as the winners.
She boots under-the-radar Danielle on another green blouse.

Come on PR, let's do this again every week!
XOXO
Blogging Life, just bloggin' life

Project Runway Season 9 Episode 4 RECAP

Well hello there, my fellow fashion friends.
So they've designed twice for Heidi. And they've designed for Michael Kors' line. So obviously, we knew the Nina challenge was coming. But there's something about her I've never like--perhaps her overplucked eyebrows, her stripey hair, the way her nose scrunches up when she's mad, or how she's just kinda a bitch in general.
I mean who wants her when we could have a TIM themed challenged? What if everyone got to make three pieces suits and the runway at some horribly early time in the morning and everyone was already in their suits? Project Runway, come on.
Anyways, they have to design something for Nina that can go from day to evening....How many time have we had this challenge?
Nina, in her true bitchy spirit, rattles off a list of everything she hates. Which is everything. "No color, no pleats, no volume, no patterns, nothing new, nothing fun. Practical. Black and white. Classic."
Is it possible that this clothing could be as boring as the Heidi Athletics Line clothing?
Each designer sketches some classical edgy thing and then Nina "offers her critique." Suffice to say, there's a lot of eye rolling and silent "are you serious?" stares. Well, I hardly expect them to come up with anything half as genius as taking a classic jacket and putting a toothbrush on it. I can just see someone sitting around and coming up with that idea, like: "You take this jacket, pump up the sleeve volume on it, and the put a toothbrush on the front, and every middle aged woman short of ever will think they are cool!" Right you are, designer I just made up in my head.
After having their respective dreams crushed, the designers head off to Mood to shop for montone pallets. What an exciting one this is turning out to be.
The drama of this episode consists of someone choosing the same black and white pattern. Becky stares blankly in pure disgust. And Anthony Ryan rants in a Southern accent.
Tim Gunn shows up to an empty workroom the morning of the Runway show, and has to proceed to the sewing room to inform the designers "You have 2 hours to send your models to the TreSemme Hair Salon and L'Oreal Paris Make-up studio." Can we hyphanate that? Can we just say YHTHTSYMTTTHSALPMS? Wait, nevermind. No we can't. This is awkward.
Anyways, Anya had issues muting her Carribean pallet down, and thus needed lots of little elves to help on her dress at the last minute. Laura Kathleen, who collagean laden lips are still making her oddly mute, runs to help her in true STL style. Little less hair and little less brat, little more helping and winning...Maybe she isn't that bad after all!
It is 8:53, so my room mate lumbers downstairs for about thirty-five seconds to watch some poorly blurred model titties as the designers struggle to put them in pantsuits, and then retreats with a beer in hand when Heidi begins on her: "First we have top American designer, Michael Kors. And then we have fashion editor of Marie Claire magazine, Nina Garcia." Can this be hyphenated as well? FWHTADMKATWHFEOMCMNG. Awkward again.
Anyways, the runway starts, and there's a lot of black. And white. And gray. And--OMG--a mustard-y pop or color! All these "pops" are the color of clothes my granny wears.
Viktor and his skeletal looking little black dress, Anya and her jumpsuit made with a little from her friends (oh, I get by with a little help from my friends), and Kimberly and her pants are in the top three. Personally, they are all the kind of clothes that a 40 year-old Mom would look on and someone would say: "Wow, you look great!" And therefore, they are all extremely boring to me. Kimberly comes out on top because Nina told her to make pants and she did. Yeah, Nina wins! Nina sure does love winning. And watching people squirm. And making herself superior. And--omg. Now it all makes sense. She's a dominatrix!
Madam Nina gives Viktor second place and Anya walks off with third.
As for the bottom, it's Danielle with a granny-like green blouse, Cecelia and a boring mustardy dress (and a very, very flat chested model. Like her boobs are convex), and Julie with another one of her God knows what that is garments.
Personally, I would have replaced Danielle with Bryce and sent Bryce packing. He made some God awful "little black dress" that had a horrible hemline and silhoutte. And his lip piercing continues to make him look like he has herpes. They send mountain woman Julie packing, and people pretend to be sad.

Hopefully there's more drama next week.
To sum it all up: Bert didn't notice Olivier was next to him. That was the highlight. The highlight involved Bert. Damn, I hope this season isn't screwed.

XOXO
Blogging Life

The Glee Project Generosity RECAP

Well hello there fellow Gleeks! I don't have time to edit, so please excuse typo-o's. s. s.s .serjfso.
Who saw Glee 3D? I did! Who saw that two second shot of Damien in the audience at the concert in the movie? I did! Wow, way to make that "underdog" even more of a front runner.
This week the kids have to have a lesson in Generosity. They are taking off the whole week to do community service. Just kidding! As if they would ever do anything that was REALLY generous.
They are singing Stand by Me for their Homework Assignment, and the kids have fun out of ideas and decide that they will "generously" back each other up while the other one sings. Creative.
Sam struggles at the beginning of the song, Damien sings strange Irish opera with his eyebrows again and I can't help but smile, Lindsay gets the core of the song and belts it, and then Alex kills it with some runs Mercedes would be jealous of.
The guess, a very short Kevin McHale who plays Artie on Glee, chooses Lindsay as the winner, maybe because she has boobs. Afterwards, he asks her out on a date. When you're on Glee, it takes a lot to prove that you're straight.
The music video for the week will be "Sing" by My Chemical Romance. I really dislike that song, even though Ryan Murphey feels as though the viewers love it (he used it as the second song in Glee 3D). You know what makes the viewer's love it? The fact that Glenn Beck thinks it's inspiring Marxist ideas in the brains of our youth. This is going to make you laugh harder than any creepily sexual face made by Ryan Murphey or eyebrow thrusts made by Damien.
And they're being "generous" by sharing the spotlight with a little kid!
Lindsay gets a mini-me, Damien gets a "god-sent angel" that he uses to his advantage, Sam gets a cutie with a fro, and obviously the producers are trying to screw Alex because they give him a little white girl. Everyone was kind of matched by personality and looks (a mini-me!) except for him.
At the music video the kids (and the little kids) have to pretend to play a musical instrument. Sam is the only one who can play an instrument (and many at that!) because, let's be real, Sam is the only musical one. Lindsay can belt and Alex can do some runs, but they could never back a real band or jam on some instruments in their garage. They aren't artists, they are pop performers.
The music video is kind of a hot mess, it's horribly boring. They're just performing on a stage. Damien's eyebrows are making his face look like he's constipated, Lindsay is stealing the spot light and not lip syncing well, Samuel was messing up in the studio, and Alex wasn't connecting with his kid (go figure).
The final result was just like filming a concert.
I say Sam did the best, it was his kinda song and the dread shaking, rocking out on the keyboard, and connecting with the kid really worked.
However the "game changer" (note the quotes) at Last Chance Performances is that all four of them will be performing (because really, singling out one safe person is declaring a clear front runner) for Ian Brennan, another Glee writer. Here's how the performances stacked up:
Some Gospel "Standard" 
Alex
Alex was performing a gospel "standard" whose name evades me for his Last Chance Performance. "Coincidentally" "I feel like I am grossly over using quotes" this song was sung at his father's funeral. I think that if being the winner was souly based on talent, he would win. I mean, can a voice get any more gorgeous than that? I don't understand why fans gang up and bully him so much, he really is a nice, dedicated kid whose been through hell (black, gay, and fatherless? I mean, really?) and has come out with the most beautiful voice.
Rating-8/10
Defying Gravity
Lindsay
I find Lindsay the least personable. Even though Ryan thinks she's coming around, I think that the girl is just as conniving as ever. She cries on demand, and only when it is most convenient to her. She's very automated and robotic, and her solos are the same way. The talent is undeniable, but she kind of just goes from note to note with little to no melody. Lindsay never emotes in her songs, the way that Alex did in his. I say that she should be the next to go.
Rating-7/10
I Gotta Be Me
Damien
Who can deny how precious Damien is? The problem is he isn't the "underdog" he is the clear front runner. All these stupid girls who have never been out of the country immediately fall in love with someone who has an accent. I know he has a good personality, but even before that, every girl in America was in love with that accent. Damien is a clear front runner, and though he is a really, really cute guy, here's the problem: He can't sing, he can't dance, he can't act, and he could never play anyone but himself. I want him to win because he's a sweetheart, but imagine him on Glee...what would he be? Himself. What if he was asked to play a rebellious drug addict whose mother died and had an affinity for cotton candy? He couldn't!
Rating-6/10
My Funny Valentine
Samuel
So Sam's never heard this song (???) and I think I would be pretty pissed to be him...I mean, if there would have been a safe person it should have been him. But he can't quite give Ryan Murphey what he wants...I think his vocals were breathtaking and he needs to front a band ASAP, but somehow Ryan has decided he's too obvious. I disagree, though. Is it really real to cry on demand like Lindsay does? Is that "vulnerability"? Being able to spill out all your life's woes the minute you realize you might not get what you want? There have to be layers, and Samuel is a very layered guy. Do you think we've gotten to his root yet, do you think we've realized how he operates and why he operates that way? No. He doesn't dispense information on demand. And that's very real to me. If someone introduced them self I wouldn't immediately be like: "HI I'M GORDANA AND MY FATHER LEFT ME AND I HAD TO LIVE ON THE STREET GROWING UP BECAUSE MY MOM COULDN'T FIND WORK." (Except I kinda just did) You would have to ask me to figure that out.
Rating-8.5/10


Here's what I say: They need to do an acting challenge to see who can really act (making a face in a music video isn't acting). And from there, they can choose the finalists.
But here's an idea: Why don't they all be the sophomore class?

XOXO
Blogging Life

Project Runway Episode 3 RECAP

Hallo meine freunde (my attempt at German)!

Well I missed the first twenty minutes of the episode, but I heard something about Heidi on stilts which is apparently painfully funny to other bloggers. Harharhar.
So since I check BPR much too regularly, I already have seen the runway and thus know the challenge: design an outfit for a model...on stilts.
Okay, I'm sure this idea sounded great being tossed around the table, but honestly? That's just mean! Because you can't do anything but pants because we don't want the stilt walker to trip on a floor length gown, or to see their Snooki in a short dress. Well, I shouldn't say "we" because I think that might have been hilarious.
But not only do they have to dress a giant they also have to--gasp--work in teams! A Project Runway first! Maybe there will be drama between two people who dislike each other! Maybe someone will be thrown under the bus on the Runway! Maybe the term "thrown under the bus" will be grossly overused! The possibilities are endless.
No, but here's the real twist--the runway is outside! Just hold it. Stop everything. That is absolutely...unexciting.
There are a lot of teams since there are a lot people.
My hatred for Bert continues. Not only is he OLD but he's annoying now too! He's manipulating tiny Mexican firecracker, Viktor, and has picked out some ho-ren-dous curtain fabric. In my childhood, I used to play around on Match.com (I'm normal)...Try to find the creepiest people. And I have to say, Bert legitimately IS the 50+ gay men living in Florida filter. Posing in front of Disney land, pot belly covered by a Hawaiian shirt.
But those problems do not even begin to COMPARE to grain-related issues. Suddenly, the word "grain" is being used after every word. "This grain is gain the grain difference grain between grain being grain school grain taught grain and grain self grain taught," says a substantially less cute Bryce of his partner Fallene, who has cut the fabric in the wrong direction (or not "with the grain"). She is sobbing and apologizing and I kind of needed Bryce to go all Shetangi on her. "YOU CAN CRY, BUT YOU BETTA CRY AND CUT. I NEED CHU TO CUT AT THAT RATE." Grain.
And then there is team beautifully accented Asian, or the "dream team" which consists of the two past winners. And a lot of subtitles.
RUNWAY TIME. Oh my God, there's sky above them instead of ceiling. I think I might have just fallen in love with this show all over again.
Oh wait, wait. Now I  really have. Because the guest job is Miss Kim Kardashian, and her title is "Fashion Entrepreneur." Let's be real. She has a big ass. That's why she's famous. Next time, I expect it to say: MICHAEL KORS winner of a CFTA Lifetime Achievement Award KIM KARDASHIAN big ass.
Oh wow. The whole Runway show is absolutely awful, and the stilt walkers are positive creepy. They clunk down the Runway with these long legs and short torsos, swirling their arms around like they are hailing cabs.
I am thinking the Judges are going to be having some issues on choosing just three to be in the bottom.
Back underneath a roof, the three Royal Orangeness' inform Team Beautiful (Anya and Olivier) that they are safe. They may leave the Runway...and procreate (how gorgeous would that baby be?).
In the top is Barbie and Rocking One with their bright red dress and pant combo, Kimberly and Woman with the Weird Hair and their absolutely frightening model in some kind of "well tailored" Ring Master costume, and Quiet Girls No One Cares about with their model who looks like she's headed to the mall...With a pumpkin on her head.
For a nice turn, Anthony Ryan accredits Laura Kathleen for all their success. Southern Gentleman! She takes the win and hobbles offstage in her not-so-flowy Maxi dress. She was kind of freaking me out tonight, she didn't say a word. Maybe too much collagen in her lips.
The Bottom 3 is my favorite Joshua (who complains backstage in a near Tim Gunnian accent about how everything costume-y was in the bottom) and Mountain Woman Julie (when my room mate walked in and saw me watching this she questioned: "Is she a meth addict?") and their "romantic matador." Yes, it was ridiculous, but at the same time they did something, and are free to go.
The Bottom 2 is Viktor and Bert and Bryce grain and grain Fallene grain. Bert says he hates his garment, and Viktor tries to take the high-road by "owning it" only for Heidi to swoop down and try to bite his head off. By the end I think Viktor is highly regretting ever learning English. Fallene is still crying, and to Bryce's dismay, the only thing they even liked on the garment was her headpiece. Each designer says the other should go, except for Fallene who waterly sobs: "Grain."
It comes down to her and Viktor, and she seems positively relieved when receiving her auf'd.
Tim pretends he cares and no one gets up to say goodbye to her.
Goodbye Zooey Deschanel hipster! I wish you could stay longer...rather, I wish your hair could stay longer, because that is fierce!
Next week: Nina. Designing. For. Nina. If no one gets bitch slapped, I might cry.

Grain.

The Glee Project--Believability RECAP

We meet again!

This week on The Glee Project, a contest in which ten hopefuls compete for a seven episode guest starring roll on Glee, the task was "Believability."
For their homework assignment, the kids performed True Colors. Personally, I found this to be the weakest of all homework assignments. It's so bad, actually, I can't even remember what happened, just a lot of people being flat.
Jenna UscovoscoIthoughtyouwereAsianwhyisyourlastnamesodifficultvitz, who plays Tina Cohen-Chang on Glee, was there to judge them. She turns out to be super sweet in real life, and Samuel makes sure to clarify that she's actually pretty in person. That's awkward.
Hannah (the one that looks like a tomato) wins the challenge, and is awarded a little extra time with Tina. These prizes are good for the celeb factor, because they never really give good advice.
The music video this week is "Only Exception" by another tomato-led band, Paramore.
It's dreadfully boring, a sepia-toned library scene which consists of close-ups on everyone's face. No one is moving. They are just standing and staring longingly at people in this love pentagon. Exciting.
Hannah looks beautiful with her hair straightened, but she can't focus on her "crush", Alex, because her real crush, Damian, is sitting across from him. That is not a valid excuse. Because your crush is standing there you can't pretend to be in love? Hmmmm. Also, Hannah + Alex? Is she gonna pull a Mercedes/Kurt and "Bust the window out his car"?
Alex is in love with Damian, and he almost touches fingers with him. Sensual. Except not. Apparently his puppy eyed-looks are far superior to Hannah/OMG he's not being flamboyant. I don't quite get how to be flamboyant with your eyes...Oh, wait:

You could have these eyebrows. Read my Project Runway Blog:
 http://bloggingourlives.blogspot.com/2011/08/project-runway-season-9-episode-2-my.html

Yes I just advertised for myself on my own blog. You have a problem? Anyways, Damian is in love with Lindsay, who delivered a stunning vocal but another fake sob story. Monkey see, monkey do. Lindsay see Marissa and Sam kiss. Lindsay kiss Cameron. Lindsay see Alex cry because he misses his dead dad. Lindsay cry because she misses her home. Fake ain't gonna fly, cuz this is Ryan Murphey, ya'll (damn, did I just do that?). Anyways, Lindsay is either drunk or beligerant (my bets on both) because she is really screwing up her lip sync, is she even singing the right song?. She then looks longingly (ugh, enough with the looks, this is turning into Harry Potter 7 Part 2) (http://bloggingourlives.blogspot.com/2011/08/harry-potter-deathly-hallows-part-2.html) (Yup, I just did it again) at Samuel who looks sexily at her, and then looks sexily off camera, and then looks sexily at Hannah (who is wearing intense fake lashes) and then just looks sexy in general. Then paper explodes. Wow, that was really sensational....y boring. And that's a wrap!
Now it's time to decide who looked the most longingly. Who looked down and then up, and then smiled and bit their lip, and then looked down again, and then look up and tilted their head the best. God, to execute that, you might actually have to BECOME a regular Lea Michele.
So basically, Alex's sob story saved him, and Damien's accent saved him. He does an Irish jig to that, which makes Samuel look royally pissed.
The bottom three are Lindsay, Hannah, and Samuel, no one having been in that place more than once. Lindsay is singing Maybe This Time, which I ADORE from Cabaret. Samuel is singing Animal, and I literally squealed when I heard this one. What is sexier than Neon Trees sung by Samuel. Yeah, that's right, nothing. Hannah's going to do Back to December. Yawn.
Hannah is first off, and she is remarkably flat the entire time. Ryan Murphey informs her the she's the worst singer, but assures her she's fat, which is relatable, and that makes it okay. She leaves, and I'm sure she's safe. Next up is Lindsay, who muddles up the words to the classic, and then is informed by RM she is fake. Which sucks, because she is adopted. Cue the tears. Awww, Lindsay has come up with her own sob story! Because standing there in front of RM and the other boys really makes her think about how much it sucks to be adopted. God. Send her home. Next is Samuel, who is sexy, but seems to be under the opinion that RM wants him to be a conceited rockstar on Glee. Thus, he plays the roll and says a lot of douche-baggy things before being called unrelatable. Sam quickly doubles back.
RM: "You're unrelatable."
Sam: "I love Jesus. I actually am Cameron."
The results are posted. Personally, I think Lindsay should be sent packing, but instead it's a shocker: To-ma-to!
I think Hannah is very talented but they already kind of have the plus-size funny character in Lauren. Keep holding on, honey!

Next Week: Lindsay cries. Alex is flamboyant. Damian talks with an Irish accent. Sam is sexy.

Project Runway Season 9 Episode 2: My Pet Project Recap

Hello fellow fashion lovers!
It's the beloved unconventional challenge, which in modern Runway seems to consist of being dropped off at a random store (hardware, party, pet), given 30 minutes to shop, and being told to make couture out of it. In eleven hours. So give your pets a tummy rub and think of the most purr-fect cat pun because here we go!
This time it's a pet shop unconventional challenge, and the contestants hurriedly rush down the aisles, snatching up anything fabric-y (ugh, I sometimes wonder if these people have seen the show). Some people decide to go the unconventional route. Others ask if they can use live animals.
"Yes, of course," says Tim Gunn. "You can kill it and use its pelt, or hot glue it as a closure to your dress."
Really, who would even ask that question?"
They are back at Parsons and assessing all the random shit they grabbed. They have eleven hours to make it work.
A lot of the designers are giggling like school children because they bought "wee wee pads." In related news, they are also eating their own snot and playing in sandboxes.
Bert is making a dress out of dog bed. He is also going all predator-gay on Oliver. Was I the only one who noticed that?
Speaking of Oliver, he's from Ohio. You heard me right. Ohio. He moved to London at 16 but only lived there for a few years before attending school in Milan. Madonna moment! Whatever, let's just think he comes from the magical border of Gorgeous Blonde Asian Land and The Republic of Abercrombie Models.
My favorite, the bronzer adorned Joshua M., or as I like to refer to him, "Eyebrows" informs us: "If it looks like too much...add more." I smell a perfectly flamboyant pick for fan favorite!
Tim Gunn comes in and calls something fabulosity.
Laura Kathleen continues to be an embarrassment to St. Louis, a city I called home for four years until I moved back to Boston. Guys, in case you couldn't tell, she's rich. I know, I know, you thought she was from the ghetto and had to work her whole life. By the way, it took me about four seconds to guess which St. Louis high school she went to: MICDs. A school in the suburbs that costs $26,000 a year and the only thing you need to get in is a recognizable last name.
Models, hair, "oh no, I'm not gonna finish!", and woodchip eyebrows. It's runway time!

Today, our judges orange (Heidi), oranger (Nina), and orangest (the lovely Michael Kors) are joined by someone ACTUALLY in fashion--Stacey Bendet, founder of Alice + Olivia.
The runway show is decent, but I think the top three looks (pictured above) are gorgeous.
Despite the weird shiny dog tag, I would have given the win to Joshua M. because those shoes were SICKENING (middle).
Second, in my opinion, would go to Oliver, whose dress is so chic but makes the model look a little chunky (right).
And my third would be well-deserved by Anthony, who turned out a fierce dress that doubles as a bird feeder (left).
The judges, however, give the win to Oliver/Heidi says through gritted teeth the win is Oliver. She, Nina, and Michael got in another bitch fight. And honestly, I lost all respect towards Michael and Nina's fashion judgement when they crown Gretchen the Season 8 winner.
Bryce was too busy laughing about how they are called "wee wee pads" and he and his pastel dress landed in third.
Fallene, my resident indie rocker with an affinity for Zooey Deschanel luckily skates by, and the baldie Mormon is sent packing on his reverse umbrella. It was bad, but their merit to send him home was questionable, seeing as they guilted him on using umbrella because it's "fabric-y" yet didn't even mention Oliver's use of a dog bed.
Either way, the right person went home, and even his wasn't too much of a cat-tastrophe. Until next time, efFURRYbody! Okay, okay. I'm done. Done. Kat-put. Hehe.

Next time: Everyone get excited because...oh wait, they already released the runway for this stilted one. Well everyone get excited because Kimmy K's ass is going to be on Project Runway. Clothing that thing may require more fabric than one of those 8 foot tall models on stilts.

Teen Mom Episode 5 Recap

Hello fellow people who are obsessed with young slutty teenager's lives!
Here we go again!

Farrah-Farrah's plot this week is her graduation from culinary school. She's baking brownies to study for her final examine. I want to go to culinary school. As her sister puts it "she went to school to learn to be a housewife" Wow her sister is a bitch. Anyways, Farrah's momma convinces her to go above and beyond on her final presentation and include a business plan, which apparently the officials don't like. Farrah has some plan to start a restaurant that is Asian and Italian. I mean...they're both delicious cuisines, but I mean, what would you order? Sushi con Red Sauce sprinkled with Parmesan Cheese and Wasabi? Yum. Also, Farrah's boobs continue to be too big and voice continues to be too annoying. She's lucky that there is Amber for everyone to hate on.
Amber-Amber is a hot mess as always. More people are crying for her because, awww, poor baby is going to jail for abusing someone! Can you BELIEVE Gary got her into this situation? Hearing her trying to justify domestic abuse is actually nauseating and then Gary apologizing over and over again is equally disturbing. Amber has made up some lie about how she doesn't like to leave the house with Leah because she gets made fun of, and therefore she should party all the time and never see her daughter. It's just hard to watch Amber because she is so damn dumb. I mean, she's obviously highly drugged on depression medication, and she never seems to quite be in the right mind. And then does stuff like go out with three, large "childhood friends" who just random reconnect with her. Doesn't she get that people like that are USING her, not to mention that they were all sketchy guys. Amber needs to give that poor baby up for adoption and go check herself into a rehab facility so she can get her life together, because, honestly, watching that white trash implode, knowing that she has attempted suicide and it's only going to get worse, is getting painful.
Maci-Maci's plot line this week is an argument she has with Ryan on where Bentley will be spending Halloween. Bentley's birthday was on Maci's day, so she took him out with Kyle and invited Ryan to come along. Halloween was on Ryan's day, so he was going to take him out with his family and he invited Maci along. God forbid the tables be turned, this turns out into a huge blow-out fight. For once I agree with an especially yawn-y Ryan. He offered Maci the exact same deal she offered him, but she doesn't like it so she steals Bentley away. That was extremely immature on Maci's part, and if I were Ryan I would go to court over that, because what she did was not okay. I don't know if Maci makes good decisions. She is dating Dumb (Ryan) and Dumber (Kyle) and she doesn't get that Kyle really isn't that into her. I mean, once again, people that randomly come back into these Teen Mom's lives because they are stars now. I see no romance between her and Kyle, and honestly, what is appealing about Kyle's personality? He doesn't have one. Maci is settling. Meanwhile, Ryan is obviously in love with her. You can tell when she drops off Bentley, the way he can't look at her and he immediately gets defensive, and how he yawns when he can't think of what to say. Maci can do better than both those lugs of meat, get it together, once again!
Caitlyn-Caitlyn and Tyler are on a job hunt. Tyler continues to be the nicest, cutest guy in the world, answering a mustached Italian pizza owner on why he wants to work there with: "'CUZ I LOVE PIZZA!" I'm very glad that the two of them got jobs, and honestly living on their own seemed like a bad idea to me at first, but it's not like they are getting any encouragement at home. And how precious was Caitlyn disciplining their little brother, she was so good at it! These two kids are the only ones with good heads on their shoulder. Compare Carly's life to Leah's. I really hope that Caitlyn and Tyler have enough time for schoolwork with these new jobs, graduate, and go to college, because that is one opportunity they would have never gotten had the show not come along.

Next week looks to custody battles, CSA battles, Mother-Daughter battles, and just more drama in general. Can't wait!