Project Runway Season 9 Episode 2: My Pet Project Recap

Hello fellow fashion lovers!
It's the beloved unconventional challenge, which in modern Runway seems to consist of being dropped off at a random store (hardware, party, pet), given 30 minutes to shop, and being told to make couture out of it. In eleven hours. So give your pets a tummy rub and think of the most purr-fect cat pun because here we go!
This time it's a pet shop unconventional challenge, and the contestants hurriedly rush down the aisles, snatching up anything fabric-y (ugh, I sometimes wonder if these people have seen the show). Some people decide to go the unconventional route. Others ask if they can use live animals.
"Yes, of course," says Tim Gunn. "You can kill it and use its pelt, or hot glue it as a closure to your dress."
Really, who would even ask that question?"
They are back at Parsons and assessing all the random shit they grabbed. They have eleven hours to make it work.
A lot of the designers are giggling like school children because they bought "wee wee pads." In related news, they are also eating their own snot and playing in sandboxes.
Bert is making a dress out of dog bed. He is also going all predator-gay on Oliver. Was I the only one who noticed that?
Speaking of Oliver, he's from Ohio. You heard me right. Ohio. He moved to London at 16 but only lived there for a few years before attending school in Milan. Madonna moment! Whatever, let's just think he comes from the magical border of Gorgeous Blonde Asian Land and The Republic of Abercrombie Models.
My favorite, the bronzer adorned Joshua M., or as I like to refer to him, "Eyebrows" informs us: "If it looks like too much...add more." I smell a perfectly flamboyant pick for fan favorite!
Tim Gunn comes in and calls something fabulosity.
Laura Kathleen continues to be an embarrassment to St. Louis, a city I called home for four years until I moved back to Boston. Guys, in case you couldn't tell, she's rich. I know, I know, you thought she was from the ghetto and had to work her whole life. By the way, it took me about four seconds to guess which St. Louis high school she went to: MICDs. A school in the suburbs that costs $26,000 a year and the only thing you need to get in is a recognizable last name.
Models, hair, "oh no, I'm not gonna finish!", and woodchip eyebrows. It's runway time!

Today, our judges orange (Heidi), oranger (Nina), and orangest (the lovely Michael Kors) are joined by someone ACTUALLY in fashion--Stacey Bendet, founder of Alice + Olivia.
The runway show is decent, but I think the top three looks (pictured above) are gorgeous.
Despite the weird shiny dog tag, I would have given the win to Joshua M. because those shoes were SICKENING (middle).
Second, in my opinion, would go to Oliver, whose dress is so chic but makes the model look a little chunky (right).
And my third would be well-deserved by Anthony, who turned out a fierce dress that doubles as a bird feeder (left).
The judges, however, give the win to Oliver/Heidi says through gritted teeth the win is Oliver. She, Nina, and Michael got in another bitch fight. And honestly, I lost all respect towards Michael and Nina's fashion judgement when they crown Gretchen the Season 8 winner.
Bryce was too busy laughing about how they are called "wee wee pads" and he and his pastel dress landed in third.
Fallene, my resident indie rocker with an affinity for Zooey Deschanel luckily skates by, and the baldie Mormon is sent packing on his reverse umbrella. It was bad, but their merit to send him home was questionable, seeing as they guilted him on using umbrella because it's "fabric-y" yet didn't even mention Oliver's use of a dog bed.
Either way, the right person went home, and even his wasn't too much of a cat-tastrophe. Until next time, efFURRYbody! Okay, okay. I'm done. Done. Kat-put. Hehe.

Next time: Everyone get excited because...oh wait, they already released the runway for this stilted one. Well everyone get excited because Kimmy K's ass is going to be on Project Runway. Clothing that thing may require more fabric than one of those 8 foot tall models on stilts.