Friday, November 11, 2011

Glee Episodes 4 and 5 Recaps

Long time no see blogging readers!!!
Well, in my absence there have been several episodes of Glee. I know right? Glee? Actually having episodes? Weird.
Well Project Runway ended and I hope I still have some readers! Shoot me a comment if you want to keep reading more.
Anyways, if head back over to August recaps and reviews you can check out what I thought of the Glee Project...because now one of their own is finally making their appearance on Glee!
It was adorable Damien McGinty, whose character is kinda weird and very eager Rory, a foreign exchange student from Ireland living with Brittany.
Can we, for a minute, appreciate the surrealism of Glee. At any other school if some cutsie little pale guy from fucking Ireland waltzed into your school pretty much every girl in the school would want to fuck them. Why? Because they have an accent. It is my personal belief you can get ANYTHING in life with an accent. True fact. When I am with British friends, it's like the world is there motherfucking oyster. People just shoot them discounts and free stuff and part for them like they're Jesus.
I'm going to acting school and getting a damn accent.
Anyways, it was a pretty boring episode.
Quinn is trying to sabotage Shelbey by making her look like a bad money so the CPA can get her her baby back. She's so malicious! Do you know anyone who would actually do something like that? Check out Teen Mom...Caitlyn and Tyler, that's how real birth parents act! They cry a lot and hang so many pictures of their children it looks like a fucking shrine.
Puck is kind of seducing Shelby, which I find to be ridiculously creepy. This is when Ryan Murphey just gets...weird. I mean how weird is that? If Puck were to knock up Shelby too...think about that family tree.
                 -                    -     /
                 -                   /-
                 -             /      -
             BETH   -  - -   BABY

Like WTF is that???
Anyways, Damian is trying to make friends by asking people if they want to be their friends ("In America, dudes don't ask dudes to be their friend...Except on Facebook") but he still can't get the one person he wants--Brittany--unless he grants her three wishes to "get into her pot of gold."
I bet she actually has a pot of gold. I don't know if Damian understands the stupidity that is Brittany.
Meanwhile, the school music kinda lost it's funding blah blah blah no one cares.
Bert is running for Congress against Sue on a Pro-Glee Club platform blah blah blah no one cares.
That episode was a wash to me.

Because next up is what all anyone really cared about...

In this episode, Artie tells Blaine and Rachel (who are playing Tony and Maria in West Side Story) that they lack sexual tension maybe because they're both virgins.
Um. Overstepping it there a little bud? I would have paralyzed him for a comment like that...again.
So both couples are planning on doing it.
Kurt is wondering if he's too boring, asking this to a dancing Blaine in a dim room.
"You are the single most interesting kid in all of Ohio." (AWWWWWWW) Blaine replies (AWWW) and then they kiss, like a peck no tongue action (AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW).
However, Kurt's fears of being too boring are heightened with the introduction of the newest character, a certain Sebastian, who is a super forward gay guy that could probably seduce me. As a straight girl. And he being gay.
Anyways, Kurt smells danger and suddenly has Blaine in like a lock hold with his arm (AWWWWWWWW) because who wouldn't be super fucking scared if they say their boyfriend at your date spot with another man? That is of the same sexual orientation?
Anyways, the three hit up a gay bar (and why would Sebastian want to go? Does he love third wheeling or something?) and it's DRAG QUEEN NIGHT. But the gay bar is like an old man gay bar...everyone seems 40ish and it doesn't look like a good time.
They see Karofsky who apparently switched to a new school and has come out. Wow. Way to throw away a plotline. I mean, that was a good ass plot line and I thought we were only somewhere in the middle of it and then BAM he goes to another school and he's out. Like what? What happened? I mean that could have been a whole suicide plotline with him to raise awareness for gay teen suicide but nooooo because everyone would rather have Pedophilia Time with Puck and Shelby (I'm being sarcastic).
Anyways, Blaine is Blaine-dancing in the proximity of Sebastian which seems to make Kurt jealous. He's not even grinding! And Blaine is drunk again and Kurt isn't, which is totally unfair.
While Kurt is carting Blaine out to the car (where's Sebastian? I guess he third wheels until it becomes awkward) and he's trying to get Blaine in the car when they fall on top of each other and Blaine's all like: "Let's do it. Here. Now."
Fucking. Euw. Kurt kicks his ass out of the car and tells him to walk. Because really, who the fuck wants to loose their virginity to a drunk guy in the back of the car? And what is the appeal of having sex in a car? I mean, where do you throw the condom? Out the window? And then it's like wet and messy and you'd have to clean the damn thing it's like not that glamorous, ya'll. And no I am not speaking from experience.
Meanwhile, with the Rachel and Kurt plotline no one cares about, Finn realizes Rachel is just doing this for experience for her roll as Maria and gets pissed and leaves.
So both of them are virgins for the play and it goes over without a hitch. Kurt means Blaine on the stage afterwards and


Cutest. Thing. Of. My. Life.
So first Blaine apologizes (AWWWWW)
And then they make out (AWWWWWW)
And can I add that Kurt puts his arms over Blaine's shoulders and when they are done he leans his head to the side so Blaine's kinda like making out with his cheek there and it's so fucking cute I mean AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
And then all of sudden Kurt is saying he's proud of Blaine and they're crying!!!! osidfjuoiawerjoaeiwrjoasifjoiweruaosdfjowieru. Blaine chokes on a tear and I have a big urge to fly to Hollywood and risk going to jail by breaking into Darren Criss's house and giving him a big hug because that acting was so superb it made my life.
Then there's a montage of both Kurt and Blaine and Rachel and Finn loosing their virginity.
Why didn't they just have an orgy and get it over with? (I kid, I kid)

Overall fucking precious, despite the fact it was totally G. I would have loved some hardcore groping and grabbing and making out but you know what. It was sweet. It was classy. It was good.

Maybe in ten years they can have all that but they still have conservative viewers and they respected them. So good for Glee.

Blogging Life

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Project Runway Finale Part 2

Well here we are.
It is actually--no ACTUALLY--the finale of Project Runway.
Yes, the moment all of us have been waiting for. When we can stop giving up our 90 minutes of Thursdays out of pure sentiment and HOPE that this season would get better.
Well guess what, kids, it didn't.
Not that any of us were watching, anyways. Anyone heard of the World fucking Series? Well I have. #CardinalNation, bitchesssss.

Anyways, about how much this season sucked:
In fact, the clothing were so bad that Tim Gunn literally told half of them to redo pretty much the whole collection. He sent them all to Mood for fabric--but not for the classic "twist" 13th look, but rather to try and remake their collections.
Anya is the one who really needs this (let's just rename this show the "Surprise Trips to Mood to Benefit Anya") since her collection was pretty much eaten on the Runway. And rightfully so, those clothes looked like tropical shit.
So while Anya is trying to recreate her collection, Kimberly is wasting a lot of time trying to make a really ugly skirt just ugly in black. And she can't even do that. Tim's plea that the skirt looks stapled together falls upon deaf ears. That skirt was one tortured motherfucker.
Viktor is trying to perfect his collection. He doesn't like some of his prints and is planning on taking them all out and redoing a lot of his collection in a leopard print sheer. Ruh roh.
Tim is worried for Joshua who seems to be changing the whole direction of his collection. I'm worried because he's making some slutty Halloween lookin lace-up shorts shorts in neon green. Which is more strip club than fashion week.
But since when has style had ANYTHING to do with this season?
It's runway time. Wah wah wah.
Here's a guideline to writing your VERY own cry-speech before fashion week:
"{Insert something corny about how you can "almost taste it"} {choke on a sob} {talk about how being poor or loosing someone is why you should win} {start to cry} {say you want it more than everyone else} {say how devestated you would be to loose} {say something selfless about how you "want it for your dead brother or your hometown or you uncle's pig Charlie because he never gets anything but seconds in his life} {conclude by saying that you've done what you've done and something corny like "I hope it's enough!"}."
Example (Kimberly): "I'm so close I can almost taste it. I want this for my mom and for my brother, I want this more than everyone else. They don't understand what it's like to be from nothing. I don't even know what I'd do if I loose this. It's not about me anymore it's about representing Brooklyn and my family. But, you know I've done what I did and I just hope it's enough."
Example (Viktor): "It's just the door is wide open right in my face and could smack shut any second. I don't just want this for me, but for my brother too and to support my family. I just can't even imagine loosing at this point. It's not about me it's about Mexico and it's about my brother. And I only hope that I do them proud. Oh my lord of the RANNNGGSSSS."

Bam. You can be on Project Runway too.
Anyways, it's collection time.
Josh's is a mix of hits and misses. It's a blur or blacks and crazy prints and every type of garment known to man and I'm just not sure if there was any cohesion. It is edited, though (for him), and I commend his variety. And there are ideas. LOT'S of ideas.
Anya's is straight tropical Skittle explosion from the minute it hits the Runway. The first looks is absolutely gorgeous. There is an easiness but a sophisticated easiness I like. But everything has the same neckline. And there is no shock factor. Flowy look followed by another flowy look followed by a bathing suit underneath a flowy look. No pants, no jackets, no nothing. Congratulations, Anya, on giving the judges JUST what they wanted from you.
Viktor's first look is fucking boss. I quite like his collection, even though he felt the need to destroy some of the best looks before pretty much just to show he can. Unlike the judge's, I do like the sheer. It's very in right now. Grab a pair of boots, low-rider jeans, a sheer top and a bandeau bra and you can hit any summer day, club, or date. I love the prints and appreciate the sheer, over all it was a pretty glammerific collection.
Kimberly's was one I couldn't decide on. I absolutely adored everything but I couldn't quite tell if the simplicity made it fashion or Wallmart. The simple shapes and bright colors were hot, street, and sexy, but also rather retail. I can see everyone of her outfits selling (I call the pinstripe crop top with the bow in the back) and I really liked the street vibe. I missed the bangles, not gonna lie, but that could be my Jersey side talking.

Now they're back on the Runway with a guest judge no one has heard of.

They pretty much rule Kimberly and Viktor out in the deliberation, which makes me mad because they were my favorites.
On the runway, it comes down to Anya and Josh.
And since last year the villian won, Anya is the crowned the Season 9 Champ.
Who didn't see this coming from the first episode?
Was it rigged? Yes.
Was her collection great? No.
But did she deserve the crown? I guess.

Congrats to Anya. She's absolutely beautiful and extremely talented, and most importantly: she gave the judges EXACTLY what they wanted.

See you all for All-Stars. Maybe the contestents will have some personality.

And keep reading Blogging Life, fateful fashion followers! I blog about Glee too, and many other shows such as Gossip Girl, America's Next Top Model, Teen Mom, etc. This blog will keep going, lovelies, so bookmark me now and check back every week or so. There's still life left for blogging!!!
Blogging Life

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Project Runway Episode 13 Part 1 Recap

Hello fashion lovers!
Sorry for my absense--it's been a busy past few weeks!
I was really wasn't feeling this season. In fact, I missed this episode originally to watch my team, the Cardinals (#CARDINALNATION), in the World Series.
But then, yesterday morning I was chilling, eating Cheerios on the sofa with my cat, and there were reruns of Season 2 of Project Runway on the Style Network. Yes, I own this season. But nonethless I watched the commercial-y marathon for about two episodes before I got a little taste of the former charm that was Project Runway.
Back in the days when Santino and Nick would make songs in the workroom, and they would all skate with Sasha Cohen and just love each other.
As much fun as the supple drama is nowadays, I truly miss the heartwarming bonding, the friendships, and the fun the designers in the previous seasons had.
But nonetheless I was inspired to watch this most recent episode, without doing work during it, without being on Facebook the whole team and watching out of the corner of my eye.
And let me say I did enjoy.

Now it is time to recap!
So for what I've missed--Bert (?) was eliminated, Laura Kathleen and her adorableness was eliminated. My father met LK a little while ago. He said she was lovely and much prettier than she looks on television!
They decided to keep all four remaining contestants (Kimberly, Josh, Anya, and Viktor) to compete for three spots in this episode. Yawn. Whatta shock. Anyone feel like they've done that plot more times than not?
Anyways, the first person Tim goes to visit is Kimberly in Maryland. She lives in a beautiful, big house. But she did not grow up that way, Kimberly reveals. She tells Tim she grew up in pre-gentrified Brooklyn. Her collection looks beautiful to me. Street, but street smart. Paired with the hoops and the bracelets and the necklaces it seems to me like it's gonna be a really, really cool collection.
Next, Tim is off to Trinidad to visit Anya. Perhaps he will break out a swimsuit? Can we all just think for a second what kind of swimsuit Tim Gunn would own? Would it have a bowtie on the front? Perhaps a detatchable pocket square?
Anya reveals that her brother Pillar passed away a while ago, and she wants this collection to be for him. Uh oh. That's a lot of pressure. But what's even more uh oh is that all she has is a bunch of beachy, flowy fabrics and NO DESIGNS yet. In fact, Anya has designer's block and can't even come up with any new silhouettes. Oh dear.
Wait, but for a second can we just compare and contrast ANYA and a certain past contestant Uli. I just realized they are the same person.
With their maxi dress prints, foreign accents, and lack of variety. Perhaps Anya IS Uli, disguised as a beautiful Caribbean Princess, just trying to redeem herself after the Allstar Challenge. Just a thought.
Anyways, after the Anya scare, Tim is back to New York to visit Viktor.
Viktor went to Mexico for the anniversary of the death of his brother. Oh my God, so my dead brothers and mothers and partners and ahhhh! Can you even make it on this show without a sob story?
Anyways, he has taken pictures and is converting them into textiles. His collection looks very, very Viktor. Glam, pop, pow, and perfection. Watch out other designers.
Last, Tim visits Joshua.
Joshua is in trouble. Tim calls pretty much all the prints that the collection is centered around dowdy and sooo not sexy print. Well this is a problem. "... Where’s the sex that you always want to exude?" Tim asks. Ummmm there something you're trying to tell us?
Back in New York, they are staying on the penthouse of some gorgeous hotel. When Josh walks onto the balcony, a gust of wind hits him, that reminds him of his mother.
Anya sneaks up behind him to surprise him. Has anyone else noticed she is dressing more and more like a stylish high schooler at a prep school as the competition goes on? All these tight mini skirts paired with Ugs. Come on Anya, this is supposed to be fashion. Guess she's going for skin for the win? That'll sure help with the Kors ticket.
Everyone pretends to be happy to see each other, but is snarky to the camera. Except for when Viktor pulls out his white leather jacket with pearls cascading down the sleeves.
All the designers are just like: "Holy. Fucking. Shit."
Runway time!
Anya sends this God-Awful collection down the Runway. Yes, the first dress is cute. But come on. The first dress is cute. And not that they are absolute twins, but the fabric choices are just too reminiscent for me of this. The second thing is just ridiculously terrible like that shit would have been eliminated in the first challenge had it been shown then. And the puckering, disgusting look golden gown at the end should have received the auf'd on it's own. I know Anya is dressed like she's starting highschool there, but we can't treat her like that! I know she's a good person but these designs are HORRIBLE and she should have been eliminated for them. Case closed.


Honestly, I liked Kimberly's collection. Not that I'm the biggest fan of Kim or her past work, but this stuff was, well, cool. I guess too cool for the judges to quite get. There are a lot of shitty pieces up there and bad styling, but some of the individual pieces are great. I love the subtle sexiness of the gown, the crop top worn with the heinous bubble skirt (Kim channeling the Kim Kardashian much?), and the whole outfit on the right (minus the shoes). Like all of those pieces would sell. They are cute, comfy, and in right now. And I like the hoops and bracelets, didn't mind the hair, but could see the matchy shoes and the bags go. Overall, I think Kim has a shot. It certainly was my favorite!
VIKTOR Viktor's collection is very Viktor. There were some nice pieces, but overall there is A LOT going on. I like the jacket, I'm not a fan of the mullet style of the dress. I like the jacket and the glass top, but don't understand the praising of the pants. Come on. It looks like she has her period all over the front of them (top left). The dress on the right is cute, nothing new. Overall, Viktor has a good shot of taking it all, and I wouldn't be angry if he did. BTW Viks: You did look like a drag queen. Sorry, babe.
JOSHUA You all know I'm not only Joshua's biggest fan, I kind of am his only fan. But his collection right now is bleh. I like the top of the look on the left, but the flowiness is kind of bleh, and then the back is a total wtf was he thinking. And then the dress in the middle is ordinary and somewhat subpar. Not bad, not good (hehe modesty tab). But definitely not for the model. And as an average sized girl, I shouldn't be the one to comment on the model's weight but she was a little straight for this dress.  Or maybe it's just not a flatter dress, but she looks like a long torso with feet up there on the runway. The look on the right is my favorite, it's very Joshua. Honestly, love Josh, but this collection really is a C+ for me right now. Nothing new, nothing exciting. I hope he steps it up for the finale.

The judges decided to keep everyone.
Josh was rightfully mad: there are some jank collections that are gonna get to show. And yes, it is unfair. I get the judges couldn't make a decision because they're all bad, but then why not get rid of both the girls (even though I would disagree)? THAT would be a shock! Instead it's fuddy-duddy everyone's happy. Woohoo.

If I had been the judge it would have been goodbye Anya. Her collection just doesn't cut it, no matter how gorgeous she is.

Well, see ya next week for the grand finale! Who do you think will win?
MY money's on Kimberly. They need that black winner for their rating.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Asian F GleeCap

Helllllo there Gleeks!
This week, we got Ryan Murphey has been promising us (but no one really cared about...): development of second tier characters. Yeah. Whoopee. Personally, I found Mike's character all the more dynamic when he was "Other Asian." Because, really, he's an Asian kid with a pipe dream going again overbearing Mom's and Dad's wishes. Has that been done before? I'm not sure. In the end, his mother melts into tears and promising to help him achieve his goals as a dancer. Yeahhh. Awww. Tiger Moms turn out to be kitties. But I mean, once again, RM does a whole story arch in one episode instead of one...why not wait for him to win over the Mom or something for a few episodes? Why was that so damn easy?
OKAY. Rant (about Mike Chang) closed.
Also in this episode, Mercedes because Diva x 1,000,000. If you thought she was diva-licious before, she is even more diva-licious now. She is showing up late for Booty Camp (harharhar, Will Shuester, you are so very clever) and showing just general attitude. To play the devil's advocate, it is true that she has just as much talent as Rachel, and it is true that they never utilize or realize that.
Mercedes and Rachel have a showdown for the part of Maria. Bieste, Emma, and Arty cannot make a decision, so they double cast them. But Mercedes and her big head can't take it, so she quits the musical and the Glee Club and goes and signs her soul away to Shelbey, Sugar, and the Shitty Show Choir.
Dayummm there are like three people left in Glee Club! Well, Santana is somehow back (missed that plot point...) and Quinn is back, dressing like a suburban mom on her way to the tennis court.
Brittney's campaign for Class President is up and running with a delightful rendition of Who Run's the World (Girls). She can't sing. But she can dance.
Rachel, desperate for the feeling of winning, decides to throw her hat in the ring too. But Finn is not sure who he will vote for...his demanding girlfriend, or his flamboyant brother?
Speaking of his flamboyant brother, Kurt delivers Blaine a handful of flowers on the prison steps of their school and tells him he support his auditioning for Tony in the play. Cop out. I guess Kurt's maturing, but then why have the whole dramatic cliffhanger at the end of last episode? And also, WHY NO KISS? I know they were embarrassed and shit, so find some place in private for them to kiss. Cuz some of us fangirls can't wait much longer.
Final plot point is Will Shuester. And I saved this rant for last. So, Emma does not want Will to meet her parents. But his sorry ass thinks that that means they are not in a relationship or some shit. So his ass dials them up and SURPRISES his OCD (note the bold) girlfriend with her parents that she hates at her dinner table after a hard day at work. Her parents turn out to "Ginger Supremacists" (Haha...wait no). And they make Emma incredibly nervous and call her "Freaky Deaky" or something. Point taken. Her parents are complete asses. But at the same time, what RIGHT did Scheuster have to call them out? Or what right does he had to call Mercedes out, or make a petty comment about Beaste's weight...Shuester's character pisses me the fuck off. He think he's so noble and that he's so cool and kind, but he's one of the biggest jerks on the show. And Matthew Morrison can suck my dick too because his portrayal of that God awful character is cringe worthy...All those wrinkly, pensive looks he gives to the camera. So, once again Shuester calls people he does not know out completely out of context (what if Emma's mom has OCD too, and she's just in denial?). Basically, he invited them over to dinner and then shouted at them and gave them some self-serving comment like "If my kid had brown hair and OCD I'd still love them" (WOW, YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD PERSON). And Emma is happy that he surprised her with her parents and then yelled at them. What a good guy, only a true man could do that, you know?
Then he has the audacity to pretend to pray with Emma in the most gut-wrenching scene. And then break into some offkey Coldplay.
Fucking shit. This was a good episode, but this is how they want to end it? Wow. That's cool.
This Glee episode was okay, but definitely the worse of the last three.
Glee needs to get their shit together for when they return in November (once again, really?).
More Klaine, less adults, back to basics as they promised. When Quinn and Rachel were the main character. I get they want to give everyone a chance, but in TV shows there needs to be MAIN CHARACTERS and SUPPORT CHARACTERS. We can have this one Mike Chang episode for the whole season, or we could try to have a continuous thread about Rachel. You pick.

See ya'll in November!
Blogging Life

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Project Runway Episode 9 Recap

Can we just call Project Runway "That 70's Show" and get it over with?
Just kidding...but this weeks challenged was 70s themed...again!
It's almost like the producers knew how badly they were going to fail at 70s wear last challenge...oh wait, they did, because it was menswear!
But what started out as a chance to redeem themselves turned into quite the pressure cooker for Anya, who lost her money at Mood! She scoured the aisles, but it was no where to be found.
Who thinks that the producers intentionally stole it to see how perfect Anya really is? Well, if they did, her beauty queen-ness prevailed once again. After shedding a few delicate tears, she scrapped together Anthony Ryan's extra $11.50 and bought a few yards of a print fabric. No cursing. No yelling. Why is so perfect? Can I please have her side-head-shaved babies?
So Anya can only use this and muslin.
But the producers cannot screw their accented Trindadian baby that long. So Tim tells the designers they have to make another 70s look, and that they can return to Mood to purchase the necessary fabric. Yeah for Anya, Boo for everyone else. But that's kind of how this season is, right?
Anya and Kimberly are sewing down until Tim Gunn's last glasses-at-the-tip-of-the-nose discerning look.
Runway time! No cute Adam/Joshua sexual tension on the runway tonight. Booooo.
The winner is Miss Anya, who turns out two wide-legged pants perfectly adequate looks. Like all of Anya's work, they commend her for being good on her own merits.
"I can't believe you did this okay because _____________"
A.) You just learned to sew
B.) You had $11.50
C.) You can't speak English
The bottom two consist of Joshua and Anthony. Oh no, my two favorites! Anthony made an awkward dress that is super confusing and some other thing I forgot, and Anthony Ryan made a God awful pink and black blouse paired with plaid pants, that looks very, very much like a grandmother who rides horses trying to look hip.
I think this bottom two was sooo wrong...Anthony Ryan and Joshua are two of the best in the competition. I thought Joshua was going to be sent home because he totally un-redeemed himself in his bitchy hissy fit back stage. But instead it's cutie pie Anthony Ryan. Who is Heidi going to German/gay man rape now???
Tim reminds us that things are going to be tough from now on.
But personally, I feel like it's going to be hard because they all have equal and mediocre talent. Which will be hard to watch.

Till next time...

Blogging Life

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Project Runway Episode Who Cares Recap

Hello there fellow fashion lovers.
It's Thursday. And honestly, who cares? I am so not into this season.
BUT I do have some juicy gossip! Right from Blogging Life. I attended an event with Laura Kathleen! I asked her if she makes it, and she informed me that there is a disclaimer preventing her from saying. But she burst into tears saying it! So obviously she is either upset because she did NOT make it, or sad because she made it and can't sat. Hmmm...keep speculating readers!
Anyways, for the mediocre talent they have hired a mediocre band called The Sheepdogs who play mediocre 70s music and will be featured in a mediocre advertorial in Rolling Stone and Marie Claire in the winner's design. Mediocre.
Anyways, it's ANOTHER team challenge. Because when you have a bunch of boring people, splitting them into two teams of boring people makes it soooo much more interesting.
And yes, it is menswear. Being able to design menswear is a crucial talent on a womenswear show, according to Heidi Klum. She also enjoys seeing small children cry.
This is Olivier
Olivier is from here
Olivier is the only one who has any experience in menswear. But, awww, poor kid got someone who doesn't look like they are dying from anorexia like him!
I feel like they could write a picture book about Olivier.
But he talks like he's from here.
Olivier does not like tits.

Or fat people

I think that one would be pretty popular with the kids, huh?
Anyways, so I'm not gonna pretend I paid any attention to the episode...So it's runway time!
It was one bad look after the other. They were all too gay, too country, and too simple.
They gave the win to Viktor and some fringey leather number.
And sent our little hero Olivier packing.
Perhaps at home he will recover from his titophobia. Or rather, his scaredofanyfattytissueophobia.
I'll miss his hair the most.

Until we sort-of-watch this half-baked season next time.
Love always,
Blogging Life #wishiniwasablondeasianBITCHES

Thursday, September 22, 2011

New Girl

She's starting up blogging another showww.
Whose that girl?
It's Blogging Life.

Hello everyone and welcome to a peek into my obsession with Zooey Deschanel.
I adore everything that has to do with her band She & Him. (PLEASE look them up!!)
I adore her movies, her voice, her sister's television her show, her husband's band...Basically, I'm a Zooeyholic.
I guess that's what made the show so delightful.
The premise is a recently single girl moving in with three men. The three men are okay. Their material is actually rather funny, they're just so stiff when they deliver it.
What truly makes the show is Zooey and her clothes and her little froggy voice.
The show was cute. Nothing more, nothing less. It's not going to make you cry, I will tell you that now. Or appreciate life or take a different outlook on it. It's gonna make you smile and say: "Awww, Zooey is sooo cute!"
So this show is for Zooey fans only!
And if you haven't seen it...well, actually, you probably have! There's not a scene that wasn't in a commercial.

Blogging Life Deschanel <3 (Someday)

Changes Coming to Blogging Life

Well hey there!
Fall Premiers are upon us. Here's what I'll be watching and recapping:
GOSSIP GIRL...Mondays at 9/Recaps by Thursday
GLEE...Tuesdays at 7/Recap up by Thursday
NEW GIRL...Tuesdays at 8/Recaps up by Thursday or Friday
AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL...Wednesdays at 8/Recaps up by Saturday or Sunday
PROJECT RUNWAY...Thursdays at 8/Recaps up by Saturday and featured Sunday mornings on

Shows I also enjoy and may recap from time to time if inspired to:
Dancing with the Stars
Dance Moms
Teen Mom
Jersey Shore
Keeping up with the Kardashians

If there are any shows you want me to recap OR any recaps of YOURS you would like me to feature, please comment below.
Since I am taking on SO many shows, it may be possible I will fall behind or drop a few along the way. I have a lot of schoolwork (college is hard, kids!) but if there is any shows you would like me to prioritize make sure to tell me!

Blogging Life, Blogging More

Glee Season 3 Episode 1 RECAP

Hello faithful followers!
Sorry about my long absence...but never fear! The return of Project Runway blogging starts...well, tonight!
But there's something even MORE exciting than Tim in a tie coming up...Fall Premiers! Finally, something to blog about! Check out my post on the shows I will be recapping and reviewing for more fun with Blogging Life!

Anyways, so Glee has finally returned! May I just say, there is no one in the world (yes, world) that is a bigger Glee fan than me. I shake when the show is on. I own every song. My walls are littered in posters of the cast. I have shirts and karaoke, every single episode ever released, and have had a countdown for the premier since, well...since May! If you're a Gleek such as myself, you might want to check out's where I keep up with every Glee related anything, and yes I visit that sight more than Facebook. Which I visit every day. Oh shit I need a life.
Anyways, the show starts out with distinguishing whose a senior and whose a junior. And if you want to know who is which, think of every character you like (Kurt). Yup, they're seniors. Now think of every character who is always stealing precious screen time with a half baked plot line. They're the juniors. Who else is feeling the class of 2012 way more than 2013?
Sam has moved to Ohio and the whole "secret relationship" plot that never happened...wait, what plot? Oh, I forgot.
As for the fat-girl-that's-not-Mercedes (FGTNM) that was dating Puck, well she's out too. And nobody cares about either of them.
Also missing is Quinn, who is dawning pink hair, an ironic tattoo of Ryan Seacrest (harharhar, only three gay men can come up with classics such as this) (I'm kidding, in case you didn't notice), a nose ring, a bare midriff, a long skirt, and a man voice. Did you know that not ONLY was she formally the ugly Lucy Quinn Fabray with the crooked nose and muffin top, but she was also a man? Yeah I didn't. Either way, I would go lesbian for Dianna Agron in any vintage pair of heels or bad ass LBD.
Will and Emma are dating (who cares?) and Sue is running for Congress (who cares?).
Now here is what everyone cares about:
The kids!!! (Kurt) Their assignment this week is to spontaenously burst into song whenever they see a purple piano. Well then.

And they first get the chance in the lunchroom. But we'll get to the songs later.
Santana has to co-captain with Becky and she is pissed. And then gets kicked out of the Glee Club.
Kurt and Rachel head over to look at their opponents to getting into some New York Arts school and spend an hour crying about it in the car, before doing the Gay High Five which makes everything better (anything entitled "The Gay High Five" can make anyone feel better).
And there's a new girl, Sugar Motta, who was funny as hell with a voice I could listen to all day long. And a new guy, Mercedes has found herself a huge, black, sweet talking boyfriend. Wow, Ryan Murphey, way to show off some diversity! Casting Mercedes boyfriend, I can just imagine the poster:
Some black guy
Requirements: He must be black

Come, on RM! I hope that he gets a personality at least...

And Blaine has transferred to McKinley. More importantly, outside the Warbler uniform he's a total prep. Cuteness!
Now time for the Song Recaps:
We Got the Beat
80s bullshit. Sometimes Glee vocals just come out sounding...thin. When Lea Michele isn't belting her voice is sparse and like a high pitched beeping noise on some soapy pop stuff. This really wasn't my favorite. GRADE: C
Ding Dong The Wicked Witch is Dead
It's a Hummelberry duet. That involved Wicked. And jazz. And Lea Michele singing in a raspy Amy Winehouse esque whisper: Get outta that bed (listen to it it's all you'll hear! You're welcome.) Fucking fantastic. GRADE: A
Anything Goes/Anything You Can Do
It's Lindsay from the Glee Project! Okay, she's gorgeous, but she can't act. The scene is kind of overly hyped up and exaggerated until she sings. And damn can that girl sing! The song didn't really showcase her belting but it was enjoyable and cute. GRADE: A-
It's Not Unusual
Klaine. Anything having to pertain to Kurt. Blaine is dressed adorably, shaking his Pom Poms with the Cheerios. It's jazzy and Darren Criss could sing the phone book (hello American Idol saying). GRADE: B+
You Can't Stop the Beat 
This almost turned into another thin version of the original like the other beat song, but their energy and just the rush of Glee being back saved it. GRADE: B-

Overall Recap: Solid return, much better than Season 2. Set up a lot of interesting plot lines.
Next Week: Kiss? Please?
Overall Grade: A-

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Project Runway Season 9 Episode 7 Recap

Annnddd it's another team challenge.
Anyone starting to wonder what their individual aesthetics look like?
It's the classic Project Runway formula episode. HP Touch Smart Advertising+ Creating their own Textile+Teams. Let's see how many people we can make cry!
The teams are as follows:
Team Chaos (yeah...why?):
Anthony Ryan, Anya, Viktor, Olivier, and Bryce
Team Nuts and Bolts:
Joshua M., Laura, Kim, Becky, and Bert

So I don't know quite what happened there, so let's refer to our recipe for disaster:
8 Cups of Team Challenges
1/2 Cup of No Team Leaders
1 Cup of No Team Leaders with Joshua on your Team
5 Cups of a Dead Mother's Birthday
A Pinch of Curse words
9 Clocks, Minced
1 Extremely Gay Shirt
Bake time: 90 Minutes
Serves: Four, so someone's not eating and better get their ass of the runway

But I'm getting ahead of myself.
So Team Perfect is perfect and I kind of hate all of them despite myself.
Meanwhile, Team Nuts and Bolts is full of a bunch of nuts and bolts. Joshua clearly enjoys beating old people up, so this time he is after Bert.
Bert is mumbling to himself again (get the man help) and Joshua is unhappy when he cursed. Was it just me or did Joshua say "fuck damn" earlier? Maybe it was just me.
"I'm going to need you to back up," Joshua says heatedly to Bert as he steps forward. I mean, he's a pretty intimidating guy. He may poke you with a cane, or jiggle his pot belly, or die, y'know?
Joshua storms out and Laura is quick on his heels. The two talents of the team sit together and work it out. It turns out that Joshua's (who, by the way, is still my favorite) mother died two years ago, which he mentioned last episode, but her birthday is coming up. Since it was just two years ago, it is quite possible this is the first birthday he is celebrating without her.
There's something about Joshua that makes me want to leap through the television and give him a hug. I mean, he's so transparent. He tries so hard to put up this bitchy facade but we can all tell he's just a little boy that misses his mother. I don't care what anyone says, Joshua for the win!

Anyways, out of this whole mess comes the "Inspiration" of clocks. And they are painting gears and numbers onto their patterns. Clever.
Team Perfect isn't much better, either. God knows what they are inspired by, but they have some hella cute prints and they have all made it a point to work together like little angels, as if to exasperate Nuts and Bolts.
"I just love the smell of fabric in the morning," remarks Anya.
"I just adore making a Southern Accent gay," says Anthony Ryan.
"MY MOTHER JUST DIED," yells Joshua.
"I'm a blonde gaysian, as happy as can be," whistles Olivier.
*Becky stare*

On the runway, Team Nuts and Bolts pieces are like a stale clock (yup, couldn't come up with any clock puns).
On the other hand, Team Perfect has turned out some cute stuff but I want to hate it since I kind of hate how well everything is working out for them.
Anya is given the win, pretty much because she deserved it a while ago even though her stuff wasn't as good as Viktor or Olivier's.
And Becky is (finally) sent packing.
I would put together a compilation of Becky stares, but let's be real. That's way too much effort.

So here's our life lesson, kids: You stare you loose. And don't try to be a bitchy queen and a sad little motherless orphan man because it makes me sad.

Next week: More team challenges?

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Project Runway Season 9 Episode 6 RECAP

Greetings from a lovely, lakey VACATION!!!

This week, Heidi is sending the kids back to school! The Harlem School of Arts, to be more specific.
Their challenge is to design an avante garde look based off on a painting made by the designer and a student. They have been given two days, so they better WERK.
The kids are super adorable, the highlight of the pairings being Olivier's partner asking him if he listened to music, to which he responded: "I like really depressing music."
"So no Rebecca Black?" responded his student, Tonyalee.
The paintings are surprisingly all very, very good. Some better than others, but on the whole, really better than I expected.
"I am not organic, I like things that are FAKE," proclaims Joshua as he tries to find inspiration in his painting. I mean, can he be any better?
At Mood, everyone is getting lots, and LOTS of fabric. Olivier is purchasing chiffon which he has never worked with before, Joshua is "loving", and Josh is using fur (cue shot of Swatch). Once again, Swatch/Tim spin-off please?
Viktor is turning himself into the enemy of the show! Not only has he repeatedly complained about how much he does not want to have kids, he has now decided he is Tim Gunn and is critiquing everyone's outfit. Ugh!
Oh no! Joshua M. is doing the sob story. He lost his Mom two years ago to ovarian cancer. OH NO. Okay a.) that is horribly sad and the poor thing! and b.) sob story=going home. Not my baby!
Laura Kathleen used to burn Barbies. Now she just wants to be one. Umm.
On more of the note of death, Bert has been widowed.
Wow, just mention artists and these people are spilling their life stories like crazy!
Runway time.
The top three are Joshua M., Anthony Ryan (why do we always say Anthony Ryan? Is that his first and last name or like a double name kinda thing?), and Laura Kathleen.
Joshua M.-I absolutely adored Joshua M.'s was another one of his circle skirts made of Neoprene which he painted a tree pattern on and then carved the initials of him and his mother into it. Like The Giving Tree. And he didn't even use his mother's death as a watery excuse on the runway to win. Yeah, Joshua! I believe he got second, I wouldn't know though because Lifetime has SERIOUS ISSUES WITH IT'S VIDEOS.
Anthony Ryan-I thought this piece was very, very cool. To me it look like lots of different colorful mouse cursors. I have a few hairs to pick: First of all, this is the second time he has done one of his collars, where he has tons of small applique detail creating like an Edwardian color. And second, I agreed with the guest judge in how poorly it was constructed. But the idea was just sooo cool...I mean, it really is MAJOR hit or MAJOR miss with him.
Laura Kathleen-I really didn't like this look...It was kinda fairy-ish and too light and airy for me, not enough of a solid statement. Just yellow and tea-party-ish. Definitely safe for me.

Did anyone else notice the Top 3 today looks like it's going to be the Top 3 overall?

Bottom 3

Olivier-Olivier's drab olive color pallet taste did not pay off he and he was not ambitious and did not have time to finish. I think he's very good, but just very good at what he does.
Josh-I actually think that Josh's first outfit was very cool, but he allowed other's opinions to get to him and made some nasty-ass hooker wear. It wasn't awful, but he always has that simplicity, not-quite-enough thing going. I say send him home...again.
Bert-Bert tried to go all Mondo and made some ridiculous diaper high-waisted pant with all these numb-numbs glued all over it. The thing literally made me laugh when I looked at it. It was like a baby in a diaper rolled around in their clothes.

Once again, after some nice Viktor foreshadowing ("I secretly love Bert's outfit) Bert avoids the axe and Josh C is sent packing...again.
This challenge, I think, was very, very good.
Sorry...better, funnier recap to come next week when I'm not on VACATION.

Blogging Life

Monday, August 29, 2011

Project Runway Season 9 Episode 5 RECAP

Hello there faithful readers!

Okay I know, I know.
But here's my excuse: Bitchy girls.
That's right, you heard me. Bitchy girls. Fake people. People that pretend to be your friend and then just stop calling and come up with some fake ass excuse.
Okay I'm done. Just had to get that off my chest.
And just to let you know, while I appreciate an AMPLE amount of bitchiness on my reality TV...let's be real, who actually wants that in their life?
Speaking of the bitchiness of this week of Project Runway (why do I always abuse one word a week? Bitchy, bitchy, bitchy.) DAMN it's back. I might (MIGHT) even rewatch this one on, like in the good old days. Nothing like physical pain, drama, and hugging in bathroom stalls to lighten up my Thursday.
So this episode starts with Cecelia getting out of bed in some amazing night gown she should have worn week one, and informing us she really doesn't even want to get up. I guess that's why she has bed head. Oh wait, she always had bed head. And not the sexy kind.
Anyways, the designers are left with some packages containing athletic wear and in this casual garb they head to the gym. Or a giant indoor track. Olympic Challenge...Take 2?
Tim Gunn. Is wearing. A jacket. Button Up. Tie. AND JEANS AND SNEAKERS. Sometimes, I wonder if he sleeps in his suit. Can't you just see him showering in his dress shoes? Going for a morning jog in a bow tie? Heading out to his water aerobics class with a lapel? Making love with his...Oh wait, that just got creepy.
So here's the challenge: design for sneakers (???) for Heidi (???) in groups of three (???). The first four to finish a lap around the track get to be the team leaders.
Cecelia decides that she can't deal with this and leaves. No more explanation needed, no more asked. Everyone puts their best pouty faces and fakey-fake: "She needs to do what she needs to do for herself." Fake. Bitches.
May I just say I called Joshua would win this motherfucker TWO WEEKS AGO? Your welcome ;).
Anyways, my boy Joshua finishes first, followed by Bryce, Anthony, and Viktor. HELLO healthy gay men. What a shocker.
Also not a shocker, Olivier is much too skinny to run the damn thing and passes out somewhere in the middle. For a second, it's touch and go. And by touch and go, I mean for me when I see how ugly his hair looks when he's passed out.
Olivier returns after a valiant trip to the midnight hospital ward and several stitches in his, dark hair (oh wait, that was Season 1) more embarrassed than injured.
Josh nabs Anya and gets stuck with a stare-y Becky, Bryce stays safe with Kimberly and Danielle, Viktor picks Olivier and chooses to revive bald Mormon guy and us bloggers having to loose last initials, and Anthony picks his straight lover Laura and gets stuck with Bert.
Could we not have put Bert, Becky, and Viktor on the same team, in a small room, with only eight hours to work, and seen who lived? My votes on Tim.
Let me simple the working process down to this:
Bert calls Anthony Andrew and explains he only remembers the memorable people. Bert, honey, Anthony has been in the top EVERY SINGLE WEEK. If he's not memorable as your competition...I mean, he better be designing some camel/butt toe ugly gym short romper if you ever want to get out of their alive! (Oh wait...)
Joshua, who has decided Becky is the seamstress.
But Becky is understandbly angry and slams the bathroom stall door in the camera mans face after Josh tell her her clothes are dowdy.
Thank you so much, Josh. Who doesn't love a bitchy gay truth teller who makes great television?
My adoration for Josh continues as he takes out Bert.
"Drop dread!" Bert yells. (Drop Dead Diva...Tonight at 9! Lifetime displays at the bottom of the screen, hey, free advertisement!)
"You're closer to death than me!" Josh yells back. Fuck. Yes.
"That may be a blessing with you around!" Bert shouts. Hey, for being 0234902348093284023984023489 years-old, he's pretty quick on his feet on comebacks. But that may be a blessing for us the viewers, Berty.
(Can you tell I'm in a bad mood?)
The runway is a hot mess and I am beyond happy. Heidi always is trying to make them do their work and pair evening gowns with sneakers and such, so it just makes me laugh when it doesn't work out for her. How low budget is this, by the way? Last challenge design for Nina, this challenge for Heidi? Come on, PR.
Memorable runway pieces:
Anya's dress I loved WITH the racing stripe.
Josh's jacketed cuteness.
Viktor's adorable dress.
The atrociousness that is Anthony Ryan's garment.

Basically, the runway is drama. Everyone is throwing everyone under the bus. Becky is crying. Bert is having a heart attack (can they get married?). Josh jumps off the stage and beats up Heidi.

In the end, Heidi can't pick a best or a worst, the whole thing is way too much for her tiny model brain. So she names both Josh (HELL YES) and Viktor as the winners.
She boots under-the-radar Danielle on another green blouse.

Come on PR, let's do this again every week!
Blogging Life, just bloggin' life

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Project Runway Season 9 Episode 4 RECAP

Well hello there, my fellow fashion friends.
So they've designed twice for Heidi. And they've designed for Michael Kors' line. So obviously, we knew the Nina challenge was coming. But there's something about her I've never like--perhaps her overplucked eyebrows, her stripey hair, the way her nose scrunches up when she's mad, or how she's just kinda a bitch in general.
I mean who wants her when we could have a TIM themed challenged? What if everyone got to make three pieces suits and the runway at some horribly early time in the morning and everyone was already in their suits? Project Runway, come on.
Anyways, they have to design something for Nina that can go from day to evening....How many time have we had this challenge?
Nina, in her true bitchy spirit, rattles off a list of everything she hates. Which is everything. "No color, no pleats, no volume, no patterns, nothing new, nothing fun. Practical. Black and white. Classic."
Is it possible that this clothing could be as boring as the Heidi Athletics Line clothing?
Each designer sketches some classical edgy thing and then Nina "offers her critique." Suffice to say, there's a lot of eye rolling and silent "are you serious?" stares. Well, I hardly expect them to come up with anything half as genius as taking a classic jacket and putting a toothbrush on it. I can just see someone sitting around and coming up with that idea, like: "You take this jacket, pump up the sleeve volume on it, and the put a toothbrush on the front, and every middle aged woman short of ever will think they are cool!" Right you are, designer I just made up in my head.
After having their respective dreams crushed, the designers head off to Mood to shop for montone pallets. What an exciting one this is turning out to be.
The drama of this episode consists of someone choosing the same black and white pattern. Becky stares blankly in pure disgust. And Anthony Ryan rants in a Southern accent.
Tim Gunn shows up to an empty workroom the morning of the Runway show, and has to proceed to the sewing room to inform the designers "You have 2 hours to send your models to the TreSemme Hair Salon and L'Oreal Paris Make-up studio." Can we hyphanate that? Can we just say YHTHTSYMTTTHSALPMS? Wait, nevermind. No we can't. This is awkward.
Anyways, Anya had issues muting her Carribean pallet down, and thus needed lots of little elves to help on her dress at the last minute. Laura Kathleen, who collagean laden lips are still making her oddly mute, runs to help her in true STL style. Little less hair and little less brat, little more helping and winning...Maybe she isn't that bad after all!
It is 8:53, so my room mate lumbers downstairs for about thirty-five seconds to watch some poorly blurred model titties as the designers struggle to put them in pantsuits, and then retreats with a beer in hand when Heidi begins on her: "First we have top American designer, Michael Kors. And then we have fashion editor of Marie Claire magazine, Nina Garcia." Can this be hyphenated as well? FWHTADMKATWHFEOMCMNG. Awkward again.
Anyways, the runway starts, and there's a lot of black. And white. And gray. And--OMG--a mustard-y pop or color! All these "pops" are the color of clothes my granny wears.
Viktor and his skeletal looking little black dress, Anya and her jumpsuit made with a little from her friends (oh, I get by with a little help from my friends), and Kimberly and her pants are in the top three. Personally, they are all the kind of clothes that a 40 year-old Mom would look on and someone would say: "Wow, you look great!" And therefore, they are all extremely boring to me. Kimberly comes out on top because Nina told her to make pants and she did. Yeah, Nina wins! Nina sure does love winning. And watching people squirm. And making herself superior. And--omg. Now it all makes sense. She's a dominatrix!
Madam Nina gives Viktor second place and Anya walks off with third.
As for the bottom, it's Danielle with a granny-like green blouse, Cecelia and a boring mustardy dress (and a very, very flat chested model. Like her boobs are convex), and Julie with another one of her God knows what that is garments.
Personally, I would have replaced Danielle with Bryce and sent Bryce packing. He made some God awful "little black dress" that had a horrible hemline and silhoutte. And his lip piercing continues to make him look like he has herpes. They send mountain woman Julie packing, and people pretend to be sad.

Hopefully there's more drama next week.
To sum it all up: Bert didn't notice Olivier was next to him. That was the highlight. The highlight involved Bert. Damn, I hope this season isn't screwed.

Blogging Life

Monday, August 15, 2011

The Glee Project Generosity RECAP

Well hello there fellow Gleeks! I don't have time to edit, so please excuse typo-o's. s. s.s .serjfso.
Who saw Glee 3D? I did! Who saw that two second shot of Damien in the audience at the concert in the movie? I did! Wow, way to make that "underdog" even more of a front runner.
This week the kids have to have a lesson in Generosity. They are taking off the whole week to do community service. Just kidding! As if they would ever do anything that was REALLY generous.
They are singing Stand by Me for their Homework Assignment, and the kids have fun out of ideas and decide that they will "generously" back each other up while the other one sings. Creative.
Sam struggles at the beginning of the song, Damien sings strange Irish opera with his eyebrows again and I can't help but smile, Lindsay gets the core of the song and belts it, and then Alex kills it with some runs Mercedes would be jealous of.
The guess, a very short Kevin McHale who plays Artie on Glee, chooses Lindsay as the winner, maybe because she has boobs. Afterwards, he asks her out on a date. When you're on Glee, it takes a lot to prove that you're straight.
The music video for the week will be "Sing" by My Chemical Romance. I really dislike that song, even though Ryan Murphey feels as though the viewers love it (he used it as the second song in Glee 3D). You know what makes the viewer's love it? The fact that Glenn Beck thinks it's inspiring Marxist ideas in the brains of our youth. This is going to make you laugh harder than any creepily sexual face made by Ryan Murphey or eyebrow thrusts made by Damien.
And they're being "generous" by sharing the spotlight with a little kid!
Lindsay gets a mini-me, Damien gets a "god-sent angel" that he uses to his advantage, Sam gets a cutie with a fro, and obviously the producers are trying to screw Alex because they give him a little white girl. Everyone was kind of matched by personality and looks (a mini-me!) except for him.
At the music video the kids (and the little kids) have to pretend to play a musical instrument. Sam is the only one who can play an instrument (and many at that!) because, let's be real, Sam is the only musical one. Lindsay can belt and Alex can do some runs, but they could never back a real band or jam on some instruments in their garage. They aren't artists, they are pop performers.
The music video is kind of a hot mess, it's horribly boring. They're just performing on a stage. Damien's eyebrows are making his face look like he's constipated, Lindsay is stealing the spot light and not lip syncing well, Samuel was messing up in the studio, and Alex wasn't connecting with his kid (go figure).
The final result was just like filming a concert.
I say Sam did the best, it was his kinda song and the dread shaking, rocking out on the keyboard, and connecting with the kid really worked.
However the "game changer" (note the quotes) at Last Chance Performances is that all four of them will be performing (because really, singling out one safe person is declaring a clear front runner) for Ian Brennan, another Glee writer. Here's how the performances stacked up:
Some Gospel "Standard" 
Alex was performing a gospel "standard" whose name evades me for his Last Chance Performance. "Coincidentally" "I feel like I am grossly over using quotes" this song was sung at his father's funeral. I think that if being the winner was souly based on talent, he would win. I mean, can a voice get any more gorgeous than that? I don't understand why fans gang up and bully him so much, he really is a nice, dedicated kid whose been through hell (black, gay, and fatherless? I mean, really?) and has come out with the most beautiful voice.
Defying Gravity
I find Lindsay the least personable. Even though Ryan thinks she's coming around, I think that the girl is just as conniving as ever. She cries on demand, and only when it is most convenient to her. She's very automated and robotic, and her solos are the same way. The talent is undeniable, but she kind of just goes from note to note with little to no melody. Lindsay never emotes in her songs, the way that Alex did in his. I say that she should be the next to go.
I Gotta Be Me
Who can deny how precious Damien is? The problem is he isn't the "underdog" he is the clear front runner. All these stupid girls who have never been out of the country immediately fall in love with someone who has an accent. I know he has a good personality, but even before that, every girl in America was in love with that accent. Damien is a clear front runner, and though he is a really, really cute guy, here's the problem: He can't sing, he can't dance, he can't act, and he could never play anyone but himself. I want him to win because he's a sweetheart, but imagine him on Glee...what would he be? Himself. What if he was asked to play a rebellious drug addict whose mother died and had an affinity for cotton candy? He couldn't!
My Funny Valentine
So Sam's never heard this song (???) and I think I would be pretty pissed to be him...I mean, if there would have been a safe person it should have been him. But he can't quite give Ryan Murphey what he wants...I think his vocals were breathtaking and he needs to front a band ASAP, but somehow Ryan has decided he's too obvious. I disagree, though. Is it really real to cry on demand like Lindsay does? Is that "vulnerability"? Being able to spill out all your life's woes the minute you realize you might not get what you want? There have to be layers, and Samuel is a very layered guy. Do you think we've gotten to his root yet, do you think we've realized how he operates and why he operates that way? No. He doesn't dispense information on demand. And that's very real to me. If someone introduced them self I wouldn't immediately be like: "HI I'M GORDANA AND MY FATHER LEFT ME AND I HAD TO LIVE ON THE STREET GROWING UP BECAUSE MY MOM COULDN'T FIND WORK." (Except I kinda just did) You would have to ask me to figure that out.

Here's what I say: They need to do an acting challenge to see who can really act (making a face in a music video isn't acting). And from there, they can choose the finalists.
But here's an idea: Why don't they all be the sophomore class?

Blogging Life

Friday, August 12, 2011

Project Runway Episode 3 RECAP

Hallo meine freunde (my attempt at German)!

Well I missed the first twenty minutes of the episode, but I heard something about Heidi on stilts which is apparently painfully funny to other bloggers. Harharhar.
So since I check BPR much too regularly, I already have seen the runway and thus know the challenge: design an outfit for a model...on stilts.
Okay, I'm sure this idea sounded great being tossed around the table, but honestly? That's just mean! Because you can't do anything but pants because we don't want the stilt walker to trip on a floor length gown, or to see their Snooki in a short dress. Well, I shouldn't say "we" because I think that might have been hilarious.
But not only do they have to dress a giant they also have to--gasp--work in teams! A Project Runway first! Maybe there will be drama between two people who dislike each other! Maybe someone will be thrown under the bus on the Runway! Maybe the term "thrown under the bus" will be grossly overused! The possibilities are endless.
No, but here's the real twist--the runway is outside! Just hold it. Stop everything. That is absolutely...unexciting.
There are a lot of teams since there are a lot people.
My hatred for Bert continues. Not only is he OLD but he's annoying now too! He's manipulating tiny Mexican firecracker, Viktor, and has picked out some ho-ren-dous curtain fabric. In my childhood, I used to play around on (I'm normal)...Try to find the creepiest people. And I have to say, Bert legitimately IS the 50+ gay men living in Florida filter. Posing in front of Disney land, pot belly covered by a Hawaiian shirt.
But those problems do not even begin to COMPARE to grain-related issues. Suddenly, the word "grain" is being used after every word. "This grain is gain the grain difference grain between grain being grain school grain taught grain and grain self grain taught," says a substantially less cute Bryce of his partner Fallene, who has cut the fabric in the wrong direction (or not "with the grain"). She is sobbing and apologizing and I kind of needed Bryce to go all Shetangi on her. "YOU CAN CRY, BUT YOU BETTA CRY AND CUT. I NEED CHU TO CUT AT THAT RATE." Grain.
And then there is team beautifully accented Asian, or the "dream team" which consists of the two past winners. And a lot of subtitles.
RUNWAY TIME. Oh my God, there's sky above them instead of ceiling. I think I might have just fallen in love with this show all over again.
Oh wait, wait. Now I  really have. Because the guest job is Miss Kim Kardashian, and her title is "Fashion Entrepreneur." Let's be real. She has a big ass. That's why she's famous. Next time, I expect it to say: MICHAEL KORS winner of a CFTA Lifetime Achievement Award KIM KARDASHIAN big ass.
Oh wow. The whole Runway show is absolutely awful, and the stilt walkers are positive creepy. They clunk down the Runway with these long legs and short torsos, swirling their arms around like they are hailing cabs.
I am thinking the Judges are going to be having some issues on choosing just three to be in the bottom.
Back underneath a roof, the three Royal Orangeness' inform Team Beautiful (Anya and Olivier) that they are safe. They may leave the Runway...and procreate (how gorgeous would that baby be?).
In the top is Barbie and Rocking One with their bright red dress and pant combo, Kimberly and Woman with the Weird Hair and their absolutely frightening model in some kind of "well tailored" Ring Master costume, and Quiet Girls No One Cares about with their model who looks like she's headed to the mall...With a pumpkin on her head.
For a nice turn, Anthony Ryan accredits Laura Kathleen for all their success. Southern Gentleman! She takes the win and hobbles offstage in her not-so-flowy Maxi dress. She was kind of freaking me out tonight, she didn't say a word. Maybe too much collagen in her lips.
The Bottom 3 is my favorite Joshua (who complains backstage in a near Tim Gunnian accent about how everything costume-y was in the bottom) and Mountain Woman Julie (when my room mate walked in and saw me watching this she questioned: "Is she a meth addict?") and their "romantic matador." Yes, it was ridiculous, but at the same time they did something, and are free to go.
The Bottom 2 is Viktor and Bert and Bryce grain and grain Fallene grain. Bert says he hates his garment, and Viktor tries to take the high-road by "owning it" only for Heidi to swoop down and try to bite his head off. By the end I think Viktor is highly regretting ever learning English. Fallene is still crying, and to Bryce's dismay, the only thing they even liked on the garment was her headpiece. Each designer says the other should go, except for Fallene who waterly sobs: "Grain."
It comes down to her and Viktor, and she seems positively relieved when receiving her auf'd.
Tim pretends he cares and no one gets up to say goodbye to her.
Goodbye Zooey Deschanel hipster! I wish you could stay longer...rather, I wish your hair could stay longer, because that is fierce!
Next week: Nina. Designing. For. Nina. If no one gets bitch slapped, I might cry.


Sunday, August 7, 2011

The Glee Project--Believability RECAP

We meet again!
This week on The Glee Project, a contest in which ten hopefuls compete for a seven episode guest starring roll on Glee, the task was "Believability."
For their homework assignment, the kids performed True Colors. Personally, I found this to be the weakest of all homework assignments. It's so bad, actually, I can't even remember what happened, just a lot of people being flat.
Jenna UscovoscoIthoughtyouwereAsianwhyisyourlastnamesodifficultvitz, who plays Tina Cohen-Chang on Glee, was there to judge them. She turns out to be super sweet in real life, and Samuel makes sure to clarify that she's actually pretty in person. That's awkward.
Hannah (the one that looks like a tomato) wins the challenge, and is awarded a little extra time with Tina. These prizes are good for the celeb factor, because they never really give good advice.
The music video this week is "Only Exception" by another tomato-led band, Paramore.
It's dreadfully boring, a sepia-toned library scene which consists of close-ups on everyone's face. No one is moving. They are just standing and staring longingly at people in this love pentagon. Exciting.
Hannah looks beautiful with her hair straightened, but she can't focus on her "crush", Alex, because her real crush, Damian, is sitting across from him. That is not a valid excuse. Because your crush is standing there you can't pretend to be in love? Hmmmm. Also, Hannah + Alex? Is she gonna pull a Mercedes/Kurt and "Bust the window out his car"?
Alex is in love with Damian, and he almost touches fingers with him. Sensual. Except not. Apparently his puppy eyed-looks are far superior to Hannah/OMG he's not being flamboyant. I don't quite get how to be flamboyant with your eyes...Oh, wait:
You could have these eyebrows. Read my Project Runway Blog:
Yes I just advertised for myself on my own blog. You have a problem? Anyways, Damian is in love with Lindsay, who delivered a stunning vocal but another fake sob story. Monkey see, monkey do. Lindsay see Marissa and Sam kiss. Lindsay kiss Cameron. Lindsay see Alex cry because he misses his dead dad. Lindsay cry because she misses her home. Fake ain't gonna fly, cuz this is Ryan Murphey, ya'll (damn, did I just do that?). Anyways, Lindsay is either drunk or beligerant (my bets on both) because she is really screwing up her lip sync, is she even singing the right song?. She then looks longingly (ugh, enough with the looks, this is turning into Harry Potter 7 Part 2) ( (Yup, I just did it again) at Samuel who looks sexily at her, and then looks sexily off camera, and then looks sexily at Hannah (who is wearing intense fake lashes) and then just looks sexy in general. Then paper explodes. Wow, that was really sensational....y boring. And that's a wrap!
Now it's time to decide who looked the most longingly. Who looked down and then up, and then smiled and bit their lip, and then looked down again, and then look up and tilted their head the best. God, to execute that, you might actually have to BECOME a regular Lea Michele.
So basically, Alex's sob story saved him, and Damien's accent saved him. He does an Irish jig to that, which makes Samuel look royally pissed.
The bottom three are Lindsay, Hannah, and Samuel, no one having been in that place more than once. Lindsay is singing Maybe This Time, which I ADORE from Cabaret. Samuel is singing Animal, and I literally squealed when I heard this one. What is sexier than Neon Trees sung by Samuel. Yeah, that's right, nothing. Hannah's going to do Back to December. Yawn.
Hannah is first off, and she is remarkably flat the entire time. Ryan Murphey informs her the she's the worst singer, but assures her she's fat, which is relatable, and that makes it okay. She leaves, and I'm sure she's safe. Next up is Lindsay, who muddles up the words to the classic, and then is informed by RM she is fake. Which sucks, because she is adopted. Cue the tears. Awww, Lindsay has come up with her own sob story! Because standing there in front of RM and the other boys really makes her think about how much it sucks to be adopted. God. Send her home. Next is Samuel, who is sexy, but seems to be under the opinion that RM wants him to be a conceited rockstar on Glee. Thus, he plays the roll and says a lot of douche-baggy things before being called unrelatable. Sam quickly doubles back.
RM: "You're unrelatable."
Sam: "I love Jesus. I actually am Cameron."
The results are posted. Personally, I think Lindsay should be sent packing, but instead it's a shocker: To-ma-to!
I think Hannah is very talented but they already kind of have the plus-size funny character in Lauren. Keep holding on, honey!

Next Week: Lindsay cries. Alex is flamboyant. Damian talks with an Irish accent. Sam is sexy.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Project Runway Season 9 Episode 2: My Pet Project Recap

Hello fellow fashion lovers!
It's the beloved unconventional challenge, which in modern Runway seems to consist of being dropped off at a random store (hardware, party, pet), given 30 minutes to shop, and being told to make couture out of it. In eleven hours. So give your pets a tummy rub and think of the most purr-fect cat pun because here we go!
This time it's a pet shop unconventional challenge, and the contestants hurriedly rush down the aisles, snatching up anything fabric-y (ugh, I sometimes wonder if these people have seen the show). Some people decide to go the unconventional route. Others ask if they can use live animals.
"Yes, of course," says Tim Gunn. "You can kill it and use its pelt, or hot glue it as a closure to your dress."
Really, who would even ask that question?"
They are back at Parsons and assessing all the random shit they grabbed. They have eleven hours to make it work.
A lot of the designers are giggling like school children because they bought "wee wee pads." In related news, they are also eating their own snot and playing in sandboxes.
Bert is making a dress out of dog bed. He is also going all predator-gay on Oliver. Was I the only one who noticed that?
Speaking of Oliver, he's from Ohio. You heard me right. Ohio. He moved to London at 16 but only lived there for a few years before attending school in Milan. Madonna moment! Whatever, let's just think he comes from the magical border of Gorgeous Blonde Asian Land and The Republic of Abercrombie Models.
My favorite, the bronzer adorned Joshua M., or as I like to refer to him, "Eyebrows" informs us: "If it looks like too much...add more." I smell a perfectly flamboyant pick for fan favorite!
Tim Gunn comes in and calls something fabulosity.
Laura Kathleen continues to be an embarrassment to St. Louis, a city I called home for four years until I moved back to Boston. Guys, in case you couldn't tell, she's rich. I know, I know, you thought she was from the ghetto and had to work her whole life. By the way, it took me about four seconds to guess which St. Louis high school she went to: MICDs. A school in the suburbs that costs $26,000 a year and the only thing you need to get in is a recognizable last name.
Models, hair, "oh no, I'm not gonna finish!", and woodchip eyebrows. It's runway time!

Today, our judges orange (Heidi), oranger (Nina), and orangest (the lovely Michael Kors) are joined by someone ACTUALLY in fashion--Stacey Bendet, founder of Alice + Olivia.
The runway show is decent, but I think the top three looks (pictured above) are gorgeous.
Despite the weird shiny dog tag, I would have given the win to Joshua M. because those shoes were SICKENING (middle).
Second, in my opinion, would go to Oliver, whose dress is so chic but makes the model look a little chunky (right).
And my third would be well-deserved by Anthony, who turned out a fierce dress that doubles as a bird feeder (left).
The judges, however, give the win to Oliver/Heidi says through gritted teeth the win is Oliver. She, Nina, and Michael got in another bitch fight. And honestly, I lost all respect towards Michael and Nina's fashion judgement when they crown Gretchen the Season 8 winner.
Bryce was too busy laughing about how they are called "wee wee pads" and he and his pastel dress landed in third.
Fallene, my resident indie rocker with an affinity for Zooey Deschanel luckily skates by, and the baldie Mormon is sent packing on his reverse umbrella. It was bad, but their merit to send him home was questionable, seeing as they guilted him on using umbrella because it's "fabric-y" yet didn't even mention Oliver's use of a dog bed.
Either way, the right person went home, and even his wasn't too much of a cat-tastrophe. Until next time, efFURRYbody! Okay, okay. I'm done. Done. Kat-put. Hehe.

Next time: Everyone get excited because...oh wait, they already released the runway for this stilted one. Well everyone get excited because Kimmy K's ass is going to be on Project Runway. Clothing that thing may require more fabric than one of those 8 foot tall models on stilts.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Teen Mom Episode 5 Recap

Hello fellow people who are obsessed with young slutty teenager's lives!
Here we go again!

Farrah-Farrah's plot this week is her graduation from culinary school. She's baking brownies to study for her final examine. I want to go to culinary school. As her sister puts it "she went to school to learn to be a housewife" Wow her sister is a bitch. Anyways, Farrah's momma convinces her to go above and beyond on her final presentation and include a business plan, which apparently the officials don't like. Farrah has some plan to start a restaurant that is Asian and Italian. I mean...they're both delicious cuisines, but I mean, what would you order? Sushi con Red Sauce sprinkled with Parmesan Cheese and Wasabi? Yum. Also, Farrah's boobs continue to be too big and voice continues to be too annoying. She's lucky that there is Amber for everyone to hate on.
Amber-Amber is a hot mess as always. More people are crying for her because, awww, poor baby is going to jail for abusing someone! Can you BELIEVE Gary got her into this situation? Hearing her trying to justify domestic abuse is actually nauseating and then Gary apologizing over and over again is equally disturbing. Amber has made up some lie about how she doesn't like to leave the house with Leah because she gets made fun of, and therefore she should party all the time and never see her daughter. It's just hard to watch Amber because she is so damn dumb. I mean, she's obviously highly drugged on depression medication, and she never seems to quite be in the right mind. And then does stuff like go out with three, large "childhood friends" who just random reconnect with her. Doesn't she get that people like that are USING her, not to mention that they were all sketchy guys. Amber needs to give that poor baby up for adoption and go check herself into a rehab facility so she can get her life together, because, honestly, watching that white trash implode, knowing that she has attempted suicide and it's only going to get worse, is getting painful.
Maci-Maci's plot line this week is an argument she has with Ryan on where Bentley will be spending Halloween. Bentley's birthday was on Maci's day, so she took him out with Kyle and invited Ryan to come along. Halloween was on Ryan's day, so he was going to take him out with his family and he invited Maci along. God forbid the tables be turned, this turns out into a huge blow-out fight. For once I agree with an especially yawn-y Ryan. He offered Maci the exact same deal she offered him, but she doesn't like it so she steals Bentley away. That was extremely immature on Maci's part, and if I were Ryan I would go to court over that, because what she did was not okay. I don't know if Maci makes good decisions. She is dating Dumb (Ryan) and Dumber (Kyle) and she doesn't get that Kyle really isn't that into her. I mean, once again, people that randomly come back into these Teen Mom's lives because they are stars now. I see no romance between her and Kyle, and honestly, what is appealing about Kyle's personality? He doesn't have one. Maci is settling. Meanwhile, Ryan is obviously in love with her. You can tell when she drops off Bentley, the way he can't look at her and he immediately gets defensive, and how he yawns when he can't think of what to say. Maci can do better than both those lugs of meat, get it together, once again!
Caitlyn-Caitlyn and Tyler are on a job hunt. Tyler continues to be the nicest, cutest guy in the world, answering a mustached Italian pizza owner on why he wants to work there with: "'CUZ I LOVE PIZZA!" I'm very glad that the two of them got jobs, and honestly living on their own seemed like a bad idea to me at first, but it's not like they are getting any encouragement at home. And how precious was Caitlyn disciplining their little brother, she was so good at it! These two kids are the only ones with good heads on their shoulder. Compare Carly's life to Leah's. I really hope that Caitlyn and Tyler have enough time for schoolwork with these new jobs, graduate, and go to college, because that is one opportunity they would have never gotten had the show not come along.

Next week looks to custody battles, CSA battles, Mother-Daughter battles, and just more drama in general. Can't wait!

Harry Potter The Deathly Hallows Part 2 Review

Hey guys!
I would just like to throw out I am an avid Harry Potter fan. When I was little, I dressed up as Hermione for two Halloweens in a row. I waited in those long lines at midnight to get the book first, and then I would pull an all-nighter reading them. And now it's over. I am no longer a child. Okay, so I'm kind of 22 but isn't there still part of all of us who was a little sad when they didn't get their acceptance letter to Hogwarts?
So...I know I am not of the popular opinion, but I personally found the second part of the seventh movie a bit of a wreck. The animation was superior to the seven movie succeeded it, I'm sure the cost nearly doubled than that of the last. Yet there was a sincere lack of heart.
Let me first cover the things that I did like:
1.) It was beautiful. The cinema was gorgeous. Those clear shouts of the English countryside were breathtaking. The most well done scene, in my opinion, was when he died and saw Dumbledore. The washed out Kings Cross Station behind them was really very well done.
2.) The last scene. Right before the epilogue, when the three hold hands and look forward, I think it is a very good representation of the entire series. Just the awkwardness of the whole shot, and them just standing there, really I think ran parallel to the quirkiness of the whole thing. that's pretty much it.
Now onto my rant.
Okay. So. Basically, they kinda screwed this movie up. All the qualities were there to make a good Potter film, yet it didn't happen. At all. First of all, personally I feel that splitting the movie into two parts really was only for financial gain, because the way this movie was put together was extremely awkward. In the first, there is much too little going on, and there are points where I was actually bored. And in the second, there is so much going on really there is not enough time for much of anything. The imbalance is ridiculous, and I say why not just make it one three and a half hour movie. That way, they wouldn't have had to elongate scenes in the first and put in all these filler scenes (like the Harry and Hermione dance, which was just strange) and they would have given everyone a proper goodbye.
I mean really, the goodbyes were awful. Former significant characters, and one's that were very important to the books, such as Hagrid, Abernanthy, Ginny, Fred and George, and Percy really never got their proper story line, or a goodbye. Hagrid has about two lines, the cast off the whole plot that adds dimension to Dumbledore's character, Ginny has gotten about eight words in edgewise the entire series, we never even see Fred die, and the whole Percy thing is completely thrown out. I get that they have to make the movie fit into a certain time frame, but at the same time, it was the last movie and it was the last movie and if they insisted on making it two parts, they might as well made it a little longer. It clocked in at just 130 minutes, while the 6th was 153. Imagine what they could have thrown in with 23 extra minutes. Maybe some dialogue.
Now here goes my dialogue rant. I really feel like there must have been under three words uttered the whole thing, and when a word was said, it was normally someone's name in desperation. Really, it might as well have been a silent film. And the only dialogue used was to move the plot forward, such as Harry's conversations with the wand maker and goblin. There were none of those awkward laughing scenes that I've grown to love. Those ones where Harry, Ron, and Hermione just laugh at the most random of times to remind us what Harry is, ultimately, fighting for.
There was no focus on Harry, Ron, or Hermione, either. They didn't have a conversation, they were just thrown immediately into this fighting. And there was no redemption of Ron, which JK Rowling made sure to include. Someone who just watched the movies would think: "Wow, Ron is a douche. He leaves when it's hard, comes back when it's easy, and steals Hermione from Harry since they are clearly in love, which you can see in the dancing scene. And when Harry says he's going to give himself to Voldemort, Ron doesn't even say anything or give him a hug."
And furthermore, Ron and Hermione's romance has been cast aside since the sixth movie when Ron gets that girlfriend. The kiss was cute, but I felt as though there should have been SOME build-up, and the kiss should have been more tender and smile-y. And then they neglect to mention their relationship the rest of the movie, they just have them holding hands off in the corner for affect.
All and all, the movie had one too many meaningful looks and dark, heavy music. Here's what I would have done to mitigate this:
1.) Combine the movies. I think that they very well could have fit it all into one movie, had they eliminated those painfully long Horcrux-searching for scenes. I think the first movie could be cut to an hour and the last one kept at two and we could have sat down and watched it all in 3. If they insist on their little money ploy of keeping it two separate movies, then the Gringotts scene should have been in the first and the last should have just been the battle. Which is just as awkward as the cut was before.
2.) More dialogue. They really forgot to include what made us fall in love with the characters in the first place. I know there is not much time to add any in depth conversations, they might as well have thrown in Ron saying I love you to Hermione or a scene of them laughing...Something to counteract all this bloody action.

All and all, I give HP7 Part 2 a B. It could have been better, it could have been worse, but I say it really didn't tie together the whole series that well.
xoxoBlogging Life

How it ranks with the other movies: