Saturday, August 20, 2011

Project Runway Season 9 Episode 4 RECAP

Well hello there, my fellow fashion friends.
So they've designed twice for Heidi. And they've designed for Michael Kors' line. So obviously, we knew the Nina challenge was coming. But there's something about her I've never like--perhaps her overplucked eyebrows, her stripey hair, the way her nose scrunches up when she's mad, or how she's just kinda a bitch in general.
I mean who wants her when we could have a TIM themed challenged? What if everyone got to make three pieces suits and the runway at some horribly early time in the morning and everyone was already in their suits? Project Runway, come on.
Anyways, they have to design something for Nina that can go from day to evening....How many time have we had this challenge?
Nina, in her true bitchy spirit, rattles off a list of everything she hates. Which is everything. "No color, no pleats, no volume, no patterns, nothing new, nothing fun. Practical. Black and white. Classic."
Is it possible that this clothing could be as boring as the Heidi Athletics Line clothing?
Each designer sketches some classical edgy thing and then Nina "offers her critique." Suffice to say, there's a lot of eye rolling and silent "are you serious?" stares. Well, I hardly expect them to come up with anything half as genius as taking a classic jacket and putting a toothbrush on it. I can just see someone sitting around and coming up with that idea, like: "You take this jacket, pump up the sleeve volume on it, and the put a toothbrush on the front, and every middle aged woman short of ever will think they are cool!" Right you are, designer I just made up in my head.
After having their respective dreams crushed, the designers head off to Mood to shop for montone pallets. What an exciting one this is turning out to be.
The drama of this episode consists of someone choosing the same black and white pattern. Becky stares blankly in pure disgust. And Anthony Ryan rants in a Southern accent.
Tim Gunn shows up to an empty workroom the morning of the Runway show, and has to proceed to the sewing room to inform the designers "You have 2 hours to send your models to the TreSemme Hair Salon and L'Oreal Paris Make-up studio." Can we hyphanate that? Can we just say YHTHTSYMTTTHSALPMS? Wait, nevermind. No we can't. This is awkward.
Anyways, Anya had issues muting her Carribean pallet down, and thus needed lots of little elves to help on her dress at the last minute. Laura Kathleen, who collagean laden lips are still making her oddly mute, runs to help her in true STL style. Little less hair and little less brat, little more helping and winning...Maybe she isn't that bad after all!
It is 8:53, so my room mate lumbers downstairs for about thirty-five seconds to watch some poorly blurred model titties as the designers struggle to put them in pantsuits, and then retreats with a beer in hand when Heidi begins on her: "First we have top American designer, Michael Kors. And then we have fashion editor of Marie Claire magazine, Nina Garcia." Can this be hyphenated as well? FWHTADMKATWHFEOMCMNG. Awkward again.
Anyways, the runway starts, and there's a lot of black. And white. And gray. And--OMG--a mustard-y pop or color! All these "pops" are the color of clothes my granny wears.
Viktor and his skeletal looking little black dress, Anya and her jumpsuit made with a little from her friends (oh, I get by with a little help from my friends), and Kimberly and her pants are in the top three. Personally, they are all the kind of clothes that a 40 year-old Mom would look on and someone would say: "Wow, you look great!" And therefore, they are all extremely boring to me. Kimberly comes out on top because Nina told her to make pants and she did. Yeah, Nina wins! Nina sure does love winning. And watching people squirm. And making herself superior. And--omg. Now it all makes sense. She's a dominatrix!
Madam Nina gives Viktor second place and Anya walks off with third.
As for the bottom, it's Danielle with a granny-like green blouse, Cecelia and a boring mustardy dress (and a very, very flat chested model. Like her boobs are convex), and Julie with another one of her God knows what that is garments.
Personally, I would have replaced Danielle with Bryce and sent Bryce packing. He made some God awful "little black dress" that had a horrible hemline and silhoutte. And his lip piercing continues to make him look like he has herpes. They send mountain woman Julie packing, and people pretend to be sad.

Hopefully there's more drama next week.
To sum it all up: Bert didn't notice Olivier was next to him. That was the highlight. The highlight involved Bert. Damn, I hope this season isn't screwed.

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