Friday, November 11, 2011

Glee Episodes 4 and 5 Recaps

Long time no see blogging readers!!!
Well, in my absence there have been several episodes of Glee. I know right? Glee? Actually having episodes? Weird.
Well Project Runway ended and I hope I still have some readers! Shoot me a comment if you want to keep reading more.
Anyways, if head back over to August recaps and reviews you can check out what I thought of the Glee Project...because now one of their own is finally making their appearance on Glee!
It was adorable Damien McGinty, whose character is kinda weird and very eager Rory, a foreign exchange student from Ireland living with Brittany.
Can we, for a minute, appreciate the surrealism of Glee. At any other school if some cutsie little pale guy from fucking Ireland waltzed into your school pretty much every girl in the school would want to fuck them. Why? Because they have an accent. It is my personal belief you can get ANYTHING in life with an accent. True fact. When I am with British friends, it's like the world is there motherfucking oyster. People just shoot them discounts and free stuff and part for them like they're Jesus.
I'm going to acting school and getting a damn accent.
Anyways, it was a pretty boring episode.
Quinn is trying to sabotage Shelbey by making her look like a bad money so the CPA can get her her baby back. She's so malicious! Do you know anyone who would actually do something like that? Check out Teen Mom...Caitlyn and Tyler, that's how real birth parents act! They cry a lot and hang so many pictures of their children it looks like a fucking shrine.
Puck is kind of seducing Shelby, which I find to be ridiculously creepy. This is when Ryan Murphey just gets...weird. I mean how weird is that? If Puck were to knock up Shelby too...think about that family tree.
                 -                    -     /
                 -                   /-
                 -             /      -
             BETH   -  - -   BABY

Like WTF is that???
Anyways, Damian is trying to make friends by asking people if they want to be their friends ("In America, dudes don't ask dudes to be their friend...Except on Facebook") but he still can't get the one person he wants--Brittany--unless he grants her three wishes to "get into her pot of gold."
I bet she actually has a pot of gold. I don't know if Damian understands the stupidity that is Brittany.
Meanwhile, the school music kinda lost it's funding blah blah blah no one cares.
Bert is running for Congress against Sue on a Pro-Glee Club platform blah blah blah no one cares.
That episode was a wash to me.

Because next up is what all anyone really cared about...

In this episode, Artie tells Blaine and Rachel (who are playing Tony and Maria in West Side Story) that they lack sexual tension maybe because they're both virgins.
Um. Overstepping it there a little bud? I would have paralyzed him for a comment like that...again.
So both couples are planning on doing it.
Kurt is wondering if he's too boring, asking this to a dancing Blaine in a dim room.
"You are the single most interesting kid in all of Ohio." (AWWWWWWW) Blaine replies (AWWW) and then they kiss, like a peck no tongue action (AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW).
However, Kurt's fears of being too boring are heightened with the introduction of the newest character, a certain Sebastian, who is a super forward gay guy that could probably seduce me. As a straight girl. And he being gay.
Anyways, Kurt smells danger and suddenly has Blaine in like a lock hold with his arm (AWWWWWWWW) because who wouldn't be super fucking scared if they say their boyfriend at your date spot with another man? That is of the same sexual orientation?
Anyways, the three hit up a gay bar (and why would Sebastian want to go? Does he love third wheeling or something?) and it's DRAG QUEEN NIGHT. But the gay bar is like an old man gay bar...everyone seems 40ish and it doesn't look like a good time.
They see Karofsky who apparently switched to a new school and has come out. Wow. Way to throw away a plotline. I mean, that was a good ass plot line and I thought we were only somewhere in the middle of it and then BAM he goes to another school and he's out. Like what? What happened? I mean that could have been a whole suicide plotline with him to raise awareness for gay teen suicide but nooooo because everyone would rather have Pedophilia Time with Puck and Shelby (I'm being sarcastic).
Anyways, Blaine is Blaine-dancing in the proximity of Sebastian which seems to make Kurt jealous. He's not even grinding! And Blaine is drunk again and Kurt isn't, which is totally unfair.
While Kurt is carting Blaine out to the car (where's Sebastian? I guess he third wheels until it becomes awkward) and he's trying to get Blaine in the car when they fall on top of each other and Blaine's all like: "Let's do it. Here. Now."
Fucking. Euw. Kurt kicks his ass out of the car and tells him to walk. Because really, who the fuck wants to loose their virginity to a drunk guy in the back of the car? And what is the appeal of having sex in a car? I mean, where do you throw the condom? Out the window? And then it's like wet and messy and you'd have to clean the damn thing it's like not that glamorous, ya'll. And no I am not speaking from experience.
Meanwhile, with the Rachel and Kurt plotline no one cares about, Finn realizes Rachel is just doing this for experience for her roll as Maria and gets pissed and leaves.
So both of them are virgins for the play and it goes over without a hitch. Kurt means Blaine on the stage afterwards and


Cutest. Thing. Of. My. Life.
So first Blaine apologizes (AWWWWW)
And then they make out (AWWWWWW)
And can I add that Kurt puts his arms over Blaine's shoulders and when they are done he leans his head to the side so Blaine's kinda like making out with his cheek there and it's so fucking cute I mean AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
And then all of sudden Kurt is saying he's proud of Blaine and they're crying!!!! osidfjuoiawerjoaeiwrjoasifjoiweruaosdfjowieru. Blaine chokes on a tear and I have a big urge to fly to Hollywood and risk going to jail by breaking into Darren Criss's house and giving him a big hug because that acting was so superb it made my life.
Then there's a montage of both Kurt and Blaine and Rachel and Finn loosing their virginity.
Why didn't they just have an orgy and get it over with? (I kid, I kid)

Overall fucking precious, despite the fact it was totally G. I would have loved some hardcore groping and grabbing and making out but you know what. It was sweet. It was classy. It was good.

Maybe in ten years they can have all that but they still have conservative viewers and they respected them. So good for Glee.

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